DISCLAIMER: THIS WRITING IS PURELY A PIECE OF NON-FICTION. ANY
SIMILARITY WITH FICTITIOUS EVENTS OR CHARACTERS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. ANY
RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS LIVING, DEAD OR
UNDEAD, SHOULD BE PLAINLY APPARENT TO THEM AND THOSE WHO KNOW THEM. DUE TO ITS
CONTENT, ANYONE ALLERGIC TO SARCASM AND TRUTH MAY READ IT AT THEIR OWN RISK.
The
world is full of different types of people – some fast, some slow, some tall,
some fat, some smart, some dumb…. and then there are the Wise Ones. A unique
category of people that sweep you off your feet, sometimes quite literally. I
often wonder – are they born that way or have they worked hard on acquiring
that wisdom? They are definitely not a minority, nor a rare variety; we
encounter them often, maybe even on an everyday basis, sometimes at a distance
that is too close for comfort. So who are these Wise Ones and where do we find
them? Step onto the road outside your house and bang! You’d have met them
before you can bat an eyelid. Overawed by their wisdom I am inspired to pen
down...eh...type out a few words – mind you, they’re straight from the heart.
Here goes…
Driving
at a constant speed on the highway, keeping to your lane and then showing the
signal before changing a lane...so daft! I mean, which fool does that? The Wise
Ones know exactly how to drive…jump from one lane to the other, no wasting time
on showing signals. What fun!
Overtaking
from the left? Ah! Now that’s who I call a Wise One. After all, the person in
the vehicle in front must be alert on all sides - front, back, right and left. And
what if the road isn’t clear? Well, the Wise
ones know how to use the horn effectively accompanied by blinking headlights to
clear the road of fools stuck to their lanes. Who, tell me who overtakes from
the right when the road is clear? Only the dumbest!
And
then there is another species of fools who queue up in a boring line during a
traffic jam. But, no, no, no! Not the Wise Ones. They know very well how to go
off the road on the left, overtake on the right and hit the nail straight on
the head – bang! They aren’t foolish enough to keep waiting till the jam clears
and the traffic starts moving. No dearie, that’s for the fools.
Oh
yes, how I can forget the Wise Ones on two wheelers. Now, do they know how to
manoeuvre a bike! Don’t you envy them? I sure do. Have you ever watched how
they are able to squeeze through the littlest space between vehicles, be it a
breakdown or a jam or a ghastly accident? And I just don’t understand why they
are asked to stay back and queue up with the rest. After all, it’s a bike, its
small enough to squeeze through. Yeah ok, they might slow down the process of
clearing up a wee bit, but then atleast they are able to get out of the jam in
a jiffy aren’t they? Too bad the others are stuck on four wheelers.
An
accident scene is another very good place to spot the Wise Ones. You see, they
are so concerned they are unable to move. In fact, I think it’s their vehicle
that refuses to budge and they are forced to stop and watch. Well, what’s there
to help? The others are already doing that aren’t they? It’s just that the Wise
Ones’ hearts go out to the victims and hence they cannot help but stop in the
middle of the road and observe…in silent support to the accident victims. Now,
if that isn’t Wise, than what is?
The
parking situation in our cities is going from bad to worse. You would think
everyone gets affected by it, right? No, you are wrong. It’s only the fools who
get worked up and keep going in circles looking for a parking space. The Wise Ones
know just how to get around this little problem. (If not the Wise Ones than
who?) If it’s a short while then surely parking behind a car is no big issue?
After all, they’d be back in a jiffy. And surely the person can wait a tad till
the Wise One is back. And come on, the roads however narrow are wide enough to
allow other vehicles to pass by even with a vehicle parked on one or both sides
of the road. Anyway, it’s only for a short while. Time is money; instead of
wasting it on finding a good spot, they can utilise it to get their work done
in a tick. How Wise!
I’ve
learned that Wise Ones are privy to snippets of vital information. For
instance, they are well aware that gates to homes and offices are hardly ever
used. Therefore, the best place to park your vehicle is right in front of a
gate. If it does happen to be one of those rare moments when the gate is being
used – surely the owner can wait a bit? The Wise One will obviously be back in
an instant. A Wise One once alerted me – ‘Never, ever fall for those tacky ‘Do
not park in front of this gate’ signs. They are simply advertising gimmicks of
banks.’ Now aren’t the Wise Ones simply amazing?
A
road is a road, and whether you use it in one direction or the other, it costs
the same to build. After all that trouble of building one, does it make sense
to use it only in one direction? I mean, who are these daft people who come up
with ‘One way’ roads anyway? A herculean waste of the tax payers’ money! But the Wise Ones know exactly how to get
around this problem – simply use the road both ways. Yeah alright sometimes the
road is to narrow for two way traffic or the one’s following the rule are taken by surprise – but then what’s life
without a little excitement eh?
Why
this ode to the Wise Ones you say? Ah! I owe them a lot. To begin with I’ve
gotten closer to God. As soon as a Wise One appears I automatically start
praying. My parents are relieved, they longer have to urge me to pray and I
don’t have to wait till I get to a temple. I pray where I am – in the middle of
the road, before crossing a road, when I am driving, when I am a passenger in a
vehicle - thus, God is almost always in my thoughts while I’m on the road.
Besides,
the Wise Ones have helped cut down my doctors’ bills to almost nothing. I no
longer suffer from low BP. The mere sight of a Wise One gets my blood gushing
and my heart thumping. The last I met my cardiac specialist, after noting the
vibrant status of my heart he was all praise for the Wise Ones and the yeoman
service they are providing to society. (God bless the Wise Ones!)
And
the best part? I no longer visit amusement parks (and in turn save lots of
money). No, not because of my age. It’s because a drive on our Goan roads
provides more thrill than all the thrill rides at the best amusement parks put
together!! I’m sure most of you would agree (well, at least the ones who are
still alive and in one piece). And to whom do I owe these free thrills? But of
course, to the Wise Ones on the roads! May their tribe decrease! Amen.
