Anu,
my next door neighbour barged into my room, without even waiting for her knock
on the door to be answered. Her face was flushed and she was ready to burst
into tears. Plopping herself on my bed she waited for me to join her. Obviously
something was terribly wrong somewhere and she was hurting. Taking her hand in
mine, I asked softly, 'Is everything okay, Anu?'
'No!
Nothing is okay!’ she burst out.
Anu
was a middle school teacher in one of the most reputed private schools in Mumbai.
An extremely innovative, hardworking and much liked teacher, she was recently
appointed Section Head of the middle school. I waited for her to go on.
‘I
have no idea why the school has appointed Section Heads at all! I tell you, the
headmistress! Oof! Not a pin can be moved without her permission! Literally! If
she is going to decide everything, why should we be given the charge of Section
Heads? The Management decided to appoint Section Heads in order to reduce the
load of responsibilities on her shoulders. But do you think she wants to let
go? No way!’
'Even
for something as mundane as assigning teachers for substitution, we have to
take her permission! Can you beat that? Why should two people work on the same
minor tasks? She might as well handle it herself and I can focus on my teaching
instead of wasting my time and energy on job duplication.'
'My
friend Shreya, who’s the Section Head of the senior school, was so upset today.
The HM gave directions entirely contrary to what Shreya had assigned to the
peons just yesterday. Imagine Shreya’s frustration. All her careful planning
gone for a toss! Besides, the peons will not take her word seriously anymore.
They know now that no matter what Shreya says, she’s not the final authority. How
is Shreya supposed to function? How is any of us supposed to function?'
Be it in a business house, where the father
does not let go of the reins for the children long after they have joined him
in business, or the mother holding on to the house and kitchen long after her
children have grown up and started their own families; be it heads of institutions
who want to be the one taking even minor decisions, or project heads and
directors who will keep every decision in their hands. That’s not all, we find
even student representatives in colleges, team leaders, Heads of Departments, principals,
class monitors in schools... just about in every position of authority and importance
that the one in the hot seat, does not want to let go. Yes, kissa kursi ka takes place not only in
politics, but in every nook of life. Age, gender, community and nationality are
no bar.
The irony is, that the ‘oppressed’ in time
take over to become the oppressor, forgetting completely what it felt like to
be the one oppressed. In some cases, it is not forgotten, and the tenure
becomes a time to get back. Alas, the one bearing the brunt now, is often not
the one who caused the suffering to begin with. So who are we really taking
revenge on? Often this ‘holding on’ is the cause of strife, stress and
bitterness in what could otherwise have been healthy, happy relationships.
What exactly is the psychology behind this
holding on and wanting to retain control? Fear of being insignificant? Fear of
being forgotten? Lack of self-confidence? Greed? Selfishness? Attachment? The
possibilities and explanations are many. The important thing is to be alert
enough not to fall into that trap ourselves. Madonna’s song ‘to have and not to
hold’ is a lovely reminder to begin every day with!
The only thing significant about our
existence is our insignificance in the universe. Once this fact is
internalised, and we live in awareness of our insignificance and dispensable
existence, we can live free, enjoying everything we have, without being weighed
down by our strong holds, and without getting in anyone’s way or stepping on
anyone’s toes.
