The Making of a Winner

Life tests ruthlessly
The fire engulfs
There’s no way out
But through it.

“Bear it!” He says
The words ring in my ears
How cruel I think
Where’s His love I wonder.

Am I His bonfire?
A joke to laugh at?
A puppet to play with,
A toy thrown asunder? Nay I’m not
It’s the test of fire
The chisel’s at work
Something transpires.

A work of art
With the sheen of gold
Dazzling and wondrous
In time we’ll behold.

It’s not without reason
There is a plan that guides
Each step is vital
Every jolt required.

The making of a winner
Is no mean task
The Maker labours
Painstakingly with love.

Grin and bear it
Smile your way through
Dance in the storm
Await the sun to shine through.

“This too shall pass”
He reminds me again
The rainbow will appear
The skies will glow again.

“Look ahead and up
Keep walking the path
The goal is worth it
Don’t you give up!”

Watch the waves
They never fail to rise
After every fall
Higher they climb.

The fire will subside
And having stood your ground
From the ashes you’ll emerge
As a winner so strong.

- Rukma

Blue

Blue, blue, blue
Vast, infinite, mesmerising
No beginning, no end
Here, there and everywhere.
All embracing, all encompassing
Ever so inviting, deliciously cool.
Love pours forth in every way
Drenched in his love, I swoon, I sway
The smile on my face, gives me away.
Shades of blue, dark and bright
Lighter, at times almost white
So inviting, I cannot fight.
I soar up high, oh so high
Lighter than cotton, no effort required.
To merge and be one is my heart’s desire.

The twinkling eyes, the dazzling smile
Features so fine, face shining bright
The curls dance framing the face
Long shapely fingers beckon me ahead.
The swish of the silk, the gurgling laugh
Silent footsteps falling so soft.
Lost in the moment, no mind to confuse
One single thought, “It is you.”
A long wait, painful and tough
Shedding tears, yearning for your touch
Worth it after all, for you have come
To take me along...
Where no more will there be a you and I.
Just blue, blue, blue… vast, infinite.

- Rukma

Reality Strikes

Golden skin, deep dark eyes like limpid pools
Ebony strands bouncing with grace
The features symmetrical and shapely too.

Sweet music emanates, she twirls to the tunes
Laughter gurgles like a brook over stones
The elegance and charm makes many a swoon.

Where from art thou, what bringest you here
Thy shadow is poise entwined with grace.
Many were keen to know her sweet name.

The days went past and nights flew by
The smiles got brighter and laughter more loud
The more they learned the more inquisitive they grew.

The damsel had a lot to say, they remained immersed in her tête-à-tête
Her talks began with her eyes as they sparkled and glowed
Time flew by and not one noticed, not at all.

All was fine, life a reverie
The damsels company everyone wanted to keep
Nothing else mattered, she was such a treat.

This too shall pass the wise believed
The hold wouldn’t last, the façade she couldn’t keep
And true to their words, the storm strung a beat.

The rains came lashing, lightning crashed in the seas
Thunder shattered the trance they were in.
The reality would soon be revealed.

She ran for cover, hands covering her face
One hand over her head, seeking shelter from the rain
The thunder and lighting had her covering in dread.

This too shall pass she thought to herself
The squall may cease in time she prayed
But the Gods didn’t seem to heed her feeble requests.

Window panes crashed, trees swooned and swayed
People ran amuck anxious and scared
The end is near she heard them say.

The wise were right, the storm did pass
The sun peeped over the horizon shedding golden light
Calm began to return to the noisy countryside.

She gathered her guts to stand up tall
The music was playing ere very soft
The admirers again began to surround her.

Horror was writ large on their faces
She realised as she looked each way
Mouth agape they stared in dismay.

Haltingly she moved her fingers over her face
Alas! The storm had destroyed more than nature’s terrain.
The mask she wore had given way.

Gone was the smile, the sparkle in the eyes
The laughter was lost and ebony had turned white.
The dress was tattered and she looked a sight!

The crowd dwindled from many to none
Not a soul was willing to see the real one
The façade had fallen, gone was the fun.

- Rukma

Why

Why do we weep when there’s so much to smile about?
Why do we hurt when it’s really not worth a cry?
Why are we forlorn, inspite of all the beauty around?
Why allow melancholy when there’s music playing in the background?

The key to our happiness we place in someone else’s hand.
Like a puppet we move around lacklustre and staid;
So much to lament about, no time to see the grace;
Who is to be blamed but I, me and myself.

Why do we stand in the way of the shadows?
Why doesn’t dawn herald a new start?
Why do the flowers fail to make me smile?
Why does the bird’s flying make me cry?

A dusty vision, a sight gone bad;
Nothing seems to go the way I planned.
The routes gone askew, new roads I dread;
Walking the trodden path I don’t find savoir faire.

Why do we worry, get stressed and strained?
Why do we live like we’re here forever to stay?
Why do we hate, despise and scorn?
Why do we not be nice to all?

Nobody said there’d be shine and no rain.
No promise was made of life being roses all the way.
Salt and sugar, spice and sweet, sour and bitter
Melt together to make life a big tease.

Why do we not look beyond the faults?
Why do we look for perfection in all?
Why do we shout, scold and deride?
Why do we not live at peace with ourself?

Life is to be lived, like actors on stage;
Play each role to the hilt and leave with grace.
You’re not the acted, mere acting you do
Discover what you are behind the mask and costume.

- Rukma

The Journey of Life

The journey of life is a mysterious one
Turns and crossroads we come across
Some easier to fathom than others
And at some we just have to turn around
Jump over the boulders or get stuck.

With the eyes on your goal the obstacles seem small
But the obstacles loom large when the vision is switched off
Often tired, sometimes forlorn, I keep going inspite the odds.
Giving up is easy, it’s beckoning so enticing
How easy it would be to just relax and do nothing.

But that’s not what I’m here for, to make a difference I stand
My birth would be worthwhile only then, I have to oft remind myself.
Breathing, eating, procreating and dying…even worms do that.
With a human life comes a great responsibility
How far I fulfil it remains to see.

- Rukma

A Long Life: To Live or Not to Live

Come birthdays and wishes for a long life are showered upon you. And if that’s not enough, the ‘you’ll live a hundred years’ when you appear just when people are thinking or talking about you go on throughout the year. Come to think of it, is a long life really a blessing? There are two points which come to my mind.

To begin with, I would any day choose a good life over a long life. Whatever number of years I live, may those be happy and industrious. I’d choose a short but good life, over a long mediocre one. My spiritual teacher M once said, ‘If at the end of your life you have just four people vouching that their life has been better because of you, then your life is fulfilled.’ I don’t know if I have four people who would vouch for me at this moment, but I sure do make a conscious attempt at it in my everyday living. When the moment of departure does arrive, I hope I can say that life has been worth it.

Secondly, at the alarming rate that environmental destruction and climatic changes are occurring I dread to think of a long, long life. This year I experienced the most unbearable of all summers! My body just couldn’t handle it. I’m sure many would agree with me. During my recent trip to Uttarkashi I didn’t get a chance to even take the light sweater out of my suitcase. It was alarming! Just five years back when I visited Uttarkashi in the month of May the weather was such that we were all wearing light woollens. And now, just five years down the line, it was late September and blazing hot! If this is how it is now, what do we have in store for us? The environmentalists are prophesying lack of water, unbearably high temperatures with their resulting illnesses, unhealthy changes in the weather and what not…a deadly future indeed! And you want me to live long? No way!

Bless me do, but for a healthy, happy and fruitful life. The longevity I can surely do without.

Happy to be Happy

Within minutes of putting my status as ‘Happy’ on FB, I was flooded with a volley of questions asking why or what it is that was making me happy. Frankly, I was happy…for no specific reason. I was at peace and that translated into happiness. I was doing nothing, there was nothing that I had achieved; I hadn’t reached some place nor was I headed anywhere.; There wasn’t anyone special I’d met nor had any disturbing person left. I was simply happy.

The volley of questions got me wondering…is it necessary to have a reason to be happy? Can’t we be happy for no reason at all? The Upanishads shout out loud that happiness is our true nature. Of course, that’s literally a far cry from our daily experience. But there are times when we experience that inner happiness, for no rhyme or reason, it is when we reach somewhere deep within and are totally centred in the moment.

If at all we need reasons to be happy, one look around and we’ll find a million reasons to be happy. The very fact that we can breathe effortlessly, we can walk with ease, view the colours around and hear the sounds in the air…aren’t these reason enough to be happy? Focussing on what we have and being grateful for it, we cannot but be happy.

And then there is happiness in nature…the glint of the rising sun as it peeps from behind the hills, the sight of the eagle gliding in the sky its wings spread out wide, the shiny green foliage in a variety of shades, the twittering of the birds heralding a new day, the golden sky made bright by the bright orange setting sun, the fragrant flowers dancing in the caressing breeze, the silvery moon glimmering against the dark sky, the foaming white waves crashing with a thundering melody…ah! What beautiful sights! They silence the mind. The chattering stops and you’re left without a thought, lost in the beauty of nature, unparalleled, inexplicable, inexpressible. The joy of those moments can only be experienced not described.

It is in those silent moments that we experience true happiness. Let us look around and become aware of those million reasons to be happy. Many such moments will make for a happier day. And many such days will make for a happier life. And therein will end our mindless, frantic search for happiness, for we would have found happiness wherever and however we are.

Touching, not Teaching

“You’re not going there to teach, you’re going there to touch; touch lives” was the clincher. He couldn’t have surmised it in a better way. The situation was that as part of the Youth Empowerment Program I was posted at a school, while being a teacher was the last thing on my mind. He tried to convince me in every way that I was apt for this assignment but I couldn’t get myself to agree to it. I was already teaching since a few years and was looking forward to doing something ‘different’. And here I was, being offered a teaching assignment. But that last line said it all. It hit me like a bolt out of the blue. I sat up straight and agreed to it in that instant.

Looking back, who are the teachers that I remember and cherish the most? Not the ones who waxed eloquent on various topics and regaled us with stories and taught us an assortment of subjects, but inadvertently they are the ones who touched my life, in and outside the classroom, in and through their teaching. They may or may not have taught well, I don’t recollect that much, but for sure they touched me deep within and made a difference; such that I remember them even today and am ever grateful for taking the time and effort for that ‘extra bit’ as one of my favourite teachers called it. They are the ones who cared about me, who gently nudged me to do better, who encouraged me when I lagged behind, who cheered my smallest achievements, who gave me hope when there was none, who looked beyond my follies to highlight my talents, the ones who believed in me and stood by me when I was nowhere in the frontline. They didn’t just correct me; they helped me overcome my flaws. They didn’t just show me the right path; they guided me to choose my own path. They didn’t mould me into a person they thought right, they let me bloom to be what I was born to be. They didn’t ignore my faults; they helped me fortify my strengths. Indeed, they didn’t just teach me, they touched my life and changed me forever.

Unto all those teachers, my million prostrations. I bow to thee in complete reverence. May there be many more like you, who touch lives and make a difference.

The Ideal in the Idol

Come August/September (depending on the cycle of the moon) and the states of Goa, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka and Tamil Nadu gear up for the arrival of the elephant-headed God. The festival popularly known as Ganesh Chaturthi or Vinayak Chaturthi. It is celebrated in every home, big and small besides the public celebrations.

Lord Ganesha has different names pertaining to his different characteristics. He is the Vignahartha: the remover of obstacles. The Ganesha: leader of the Ganas. Lord Ganesha signifies the formless divinity. He is the Unborn, Formless, Limitless, Attributeless encapsulated in a form. He is the one from whence the Universe has come.

The very form of Ganesha might seem mind boggling or even weird to some, but as I mentioned earlier, every part of him is symbolic of a deeper meaning.

Big head: Think big. Signifies wisdom & knowledge.
Big ears: Listen more
Small mouth: Talk less
Trunk: Explore, discover & learn. Be adaptable and flexible in all circumstances.
Sharp eyes: Observe carefully, concentrate.
Smiling face: Smile through obstacles
Snake round his belly: What goes round, comes round: The Cosmic law. It is the Lord who gives order and holds the Universe together, else it would be chaos. The atoms that make up the universe follow an order, the Supreme Cosmic Law.
Axe: Cut away bondages ruthlessly. Be free.
Rope: Pull yourself towards the Goal.
Lotus: Be in the world but not of the world. Like the lotus that retains its purity while taking its nutrition from the murky pond, so should we live in this world, fresh and pure, untouched by its impurities.
Large belly: Generosity and total acceptance of all that life has to offer, whether good or bad.
Single tusk: Discrimination. Retain what is good, discard the bad.
Mouse: Symbolises our desires. Keep them small and under control, otherwise it will take you for a ride and create havoc in your life.
Modak: The fruit of your good actions
Prasad (ladoo): You live life as signified above and the result will be that the world will be at your feet, you will rule.

What touches me most though, is the very significance of the festival. Like all Hindu festivals the festival of Ganesh Chaturthi too is symbolic in nature and has layers of meaning, ranging from the superficial to the deepest. It is not just the rejoicing of the coming of Lord Ganesha, son of Shiva and Parvati. Its goes much deeper. The idol of Ganesha is made of clay and to clay it goes back after two days of celebrations. Indeed a strong reminder that we have come from the soil and to the soil we shall return. While we are here, live life to the fullest, let every day be a celebration of life. It is not a negative reminder for creating fear of our mortality nay it is a reminder to not waste life in pettiness bearing in mind that our time here is limited.

As we celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi this year let us strive to remember, that what we are to worship is not the idol but the ideal in the idol. Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!

The Tyranny of the Shoulds

It’s not so much people or situations that make us happy, angry or sad but our thoughts about them. Whatever is causing pain/sadness are only thoughts. We can change our thoughts. And in turn change how we feel.

The problem we all face is not about feeling happy but about feeling everything but happiness. That is, our problem revolves around negative feelings like sad, unhappy, angry, upset, let down, etc. As our thought, so our feeling; as our feeling, so our action/response. So, all we need to do is trace it backwards. If we want to change our behaviour, we have to change how we feel and for that we need to change how we think.

I find that one of our greatest enemies is any thought that contains the word ‘should’ or ‘must’ or an equivalent of either. The moment we say ‘should’ or ‘must’ we are stating an expectation. Given the fact that we as human beings have a free will and the right to act as we deem fit and so also the fact that we have no control over external circumstances and other people, the use of should and must is bound to land us in ‘Upset-ville’. A ‘should’ is an expectation, a compulsion. What guarantee do we have that it will be fulfilled? And when it doesn’t get fulfilled what happens? We get upset. This is called ‘The Tyranny of the Shoulds’ or as Albert Ellis says ‘MUSTerbation’. I must, he must, she must… so many expectations for us and others to live up to, leaving no scope for free will. These shoulds and musts are nothing but irrational beliefs and perceptions. What actually affects us is not our behaviour or that of others, or the way the world treats us, but what actually affects us our false beliefs.

When these ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ are directed towards another, it usually results in anger and when directed towards ourself it usually ends up in guilt. ‘You should have asked me before deciding the picnic spot.’ And there! You are fuming. Or, ‘I should never have listened to her’ or ‘I must complete my project on time’. And there…you are upset again! Considering everyone has a free will, nobody is going to behave the way we want/expect them to, all the time. Well, we don’t always behave the way the world expects us to either. So if I have free will, so do others. Their actions may not be what we like or want or need, their actions may not even be right, nevertheless, they have every right to behave the way they do. They were not born to live according to our expectations. Just the way you and I aren’t born to fulfil everyone’s expectations.

People let us down very often. And it is but natural to feel annoyed or disappointed. But, if we have placed very strong shoulds/musts on them then we start blaming them and feel angry, frustrated and let down when things are not in line with our ‘should’. The problem with this is that it leaves us feeling negative and does nothing to make things better; on the contrary it only affects the relationships adversely.

So does that mean we should take everything that comes along without batting an eye lid? No, certainly not. But, instead of stating shoulds/musts we can convert them into preferences. And what does that mean? It means learning to be flexible in our thinking. It means learning to ‘prefer things to be a certain way’ but accepting the fact that things will not always be the way we would prefer. Try it and you will see that the emotion you feel is not as strong as earlier. The earlier statements could be converted into preferences thus, ‘I would have appreciated it if you checked with me before deciding the picnic spot’, ‘It would have been better if I had thought it over before listening to her’ or ‘I prefer finishing my project in time, but it’s not possible always’ and so on. For sure the ensuing emotion is not as strong as the one following the should/must statements.

What is the advantage of converting our shoulds/musts into preferences? First and foremost it spares us the onslaught of negative emotions like hurt, resentment, anger, depression, hatred, anxiety etc. It saves us from feeling upset. Secondly… do we really need a second reason? Isn’t that one reason good enough to attempt overthrowing the Tyranny of the shoulds and stop MUSTerbating all the time?

Go ahead. Try it. Identify your ‘shoulds’ and convert them into preferences. Well, I’m not saying that ‘you ‘should’ try it, all that I’m saying is it would be nice if you gave it a try! Trust me, it’ll be worth the try.

{PS – The concept of ‘The Tyranny of the Shoulds’ was first stated by Karen Horney (pronounced HORN-eye), a psychoanalyst.}

Prisoner of your own mind

The wicked mind, how it works,
Weaving webs of thoughts, sown with wild pictures.
The net it casts catches you right,
With every movement you make it gets more tight.
Squirming and turning you try to break free
But the harder you try the more impossible it seems.
Beyond the web of thoughts and words,
Lies serene, a beautiful world.
But caught by the mind, your vision is coloured,
Everything looks misty, crooked and disastrous.
A cloud of fear engulfs your soul,
Your heart wrenching cries muffled to a moan.
You know the way out, drop the thoughts that’s all,
But alas you’re caught within your illusory prison walls.

The Terrifying Guest

Life is unpredictable. You never know what will happen next. In our foolish ignorance we plan far ahead and leave umpteen things for ‘one day’, little realising that ‘one day’ might never happen.

In the span of a few weeks I have directly or indirectly faced the loss of near and dear ones. Shock and disbelief are felt first, only to be replaced by pity, despair and intense sorrow. If we are able to remain firmly rooted in Vedanta then death does not cause unending sorrow. We face life and death far better.

After all what is death? The Bhagwad Gita puts it very simply as ‘casting off of worn out garments by the Self’ (II:22), that is, the Jeeva (akin to soul) or the Self drops the body which has lost its significance and accepts a new one.

Lord Krishna mentions some important points in the same chapter, which if understood and internalised would forever destroy the fear of death. The Lord extols us to understand:

- That which is born must die. What has had a beginning has to have an end. It's simple logic.

- The Self is unborn hence it does not die. The person does not cease to be when the body is destroyed. It only moves on to a different plane. Only the body is destroyed.

- The body for the Jeeva is just like clothes are for us. As we discard worn out clothes, so does the jeeva discard the used body.

- The Jeeva is eternal, it was, it is and it will always be. There is no beginning and no end.
All beings are unmanifest in the beginning, then they manifest and once again go back to unmanifest. Thus, there is no cause for lamentation. It is a continuous cycle of change.

- It is incorrect to think that the Self dies - only Matter perishes. For the body - birth and death are inevitable; it is born to die again. The cycle of life and death continues.

- The wise do not grieve for they understand the nature of the Self.


No doubt it is easier said than done. For, as humans we are governed by our emotions. It is only when the clouds of emotion break up and the intellect shines through that we are able to think and apply the knowledge that we have. With our intellect clouded by emotions all that we are assured of is acute sorrow and despair. But the wise one, keeping his emotions in check, is able to see in the light of his intellect and act wisely. No, this does not mean one becomes emotionless, nor does it mean suppression of emotions, but only that one can channelise the emotions and not let the emotions overwhelm us. It means the ability to bounce back sooner. You feel, but you don’t get drowned in your feelings.

Is it practically possible one would wonder. Yes it is. I have seen people rooted in Vedanta bouncing back with amazing alacrity after having faced a crushing tragedy. I repeat, they were not sans emotions, but their emotions did not overcome them; something like a lotus that is born out of the water yet remains untouched by it. Understanding death would lead us to the state of the great Sant Tukaram who proclaimed, ‘My death is dead’.

Use Apostrophes - wikiHow

Use Apostrophes - wikiHow

Being Childlike

There is a vast difference between being ‘childish’ and ‘childlike’. Childish refers to behaviour that is immature, maybe even irresponsible. Childlike refers to behaviour that is positive. There are many qualities in a child that are worth emulating. Well, that’s the irony of it. we were once children and had these very qualities in abundance, but as we grew up and ‘matured’, our innocence and child like characteristics ebbed away. Alas! It is the loss of childlike-behaviour that is to be lamented, not the loss of childhood, for is those characteristics were retained we would have nothing to complain about. So, what are these qualities that I am referring to? Think. Think back to when you were a 5 year old… how did you act, react, think, respond, behave…

How long did your anger last? How long did you stay away from the one you were angry with? How long did it take before you forgave and forgot? How long did it take you to go back to your parent after he/she had yelled or even raised their hand at you? Did you ever worry about the future? Did you ever regret, more than momentarily, if at all? How long did you hold grudges? And how long did you stay a grouch?

Observe a child. Any child. One minute they are receiving a scolding from their parent/teacher/any adult. The very next minute, if they approach the child, the child will respond on a clean slate. Everything is forgotten and forgiven. No holding grudges.

Children live entirely in the moment. The child is not worried about what he’ll do when he grows up, the parents are. He lives in the present. That’s another reason why grudges are not held. They drop the issue and move on.

For a child each day is a new day. They wake up fresh, with a clean slate. No bitter remnants of yesterday.

They laugh a lot, they play a lot, they smile a lot, basically they don’t take life seriously and enjoy being alive, every minute of it. It doesn’t take a child much to laugh. What we adults find silly, makes them burst into laughter.

They love unconditionally, no strings attached, no expectations.

Can we go back to being childlike? We sure can…if only we try.

Go ahead…try.

Bored to Death

Bored to death, but death evades me.
Wonder what lies behind life’s screen.
A reflection of life or something serene,
Beauty and pace replete with harmony,
Or a painful reminder of a life that has been?
Hide and seek it plays with me,
Never allowing me within its reach,
The time isn’t right, there’s more to see,
A life of happiness sprinkled with misery, generously.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice,
Whatever you choose, it’s in your hands my boy.
Smile through the thorns or cry through the blooms,
The feeling in your heart is for you to choose.
Death your friend will wait patiently by,
Reaching out to you when the time has arrived.

- Rukma

Drops of Gold

Drops of gold dripping from the sky
Got caught mid-air, on a tree standing bare
Shining, glistening globs of gold
Flicking the sun’s rays
What a sight to behold!

The mind silent
My eyes open wide
Mouth agape I watched wonderstruck
Could there be anything more beautiful at sight
This tree of gold, stopping in their tracks passers-by?

Of all God’s creations is this the best yet?
So bright, so beautiful, awesome to the core
Gleaming, shimmering, yellowest of yellow
Hanging in bunches, pretty drops of gold.

What Differentiates Dogs from Humans?

With all due apologies to the humble dog for having brought him down to the same platform as a human…

Well, for one dogs are faithful.
Dogs love in spite of, not because of.
Dogs love you even if you don’t really serve any purpose in their lives.
Dogs are, well, they’re simply dogs. They are not this, that and the other, atleast not in their eyes. (Though we humans tend to classify them as mongrels, pedigree etc.)
Dogs live by their innocent instinct with no devious thinking and scheming of how to and what to and who to and when to.

Ah! Now about the superior human race…well, the less said the better!!

PS - All posts in this blog are a fiction of my wild imagination. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

Keep the Faith

What goes up, must come down, what is down, will go up at some point of time. Nothing remains the same for a very long time.

Happiness is replaced with sorrow, and sorrow is overcome by joy, it’s a continuous cycle that goes on and on.

Life is like a roller coaster ride, sometimes it takes us up, and sometimes it takes us down.

But there is a limit to how low one can go, after touching rock bottom there is no way but up. So also, there is only so high that one can reach, after that it’s a dip, dip dip.

For a person on a high it is a trifle scary that what will follow next are surely some worries.

But for a person who is sunk in misery it is heartening indeed, that his sorrows for sure are short lived and his next move will only be towards peace.

That the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t out of reach, and it won’t be long before he regains his serenity.

Like the bird that sings before the crack of dawn, with full faith that the sun will rise, keep the faith my friend and look up ahead towards the sky.

- Rukma

The Great Fall

Down down down
Down she tumbled, falling head over heels,
There was nothing to hold nor a foothold to keep.
The sides shone bright, but further she couldn’t see
Behind was darkness and just hollow in between.
The only sound she heard was her breathing
The chatter of her mind and the swish of her feet.

How did she fall, did someone push her in?
What lay beyond, she shuddered to think.
The way was one, with turns and dips,
No right nor left, nor lanes to switch.
The deeper she went, the darker it was
Cold, unfriendly, not an ounce of warmth.

She closed her eyes, picturing her life
The sun shone bright, in a clear blue sky.
Birds chirping in the trees and hedge
The green grass swaying in the balmy air.
Friends and family surrounding her
Lots to laugh about and chatter and cheer.

Then came the clouds, sinister and morose,
Covered the sun and rendered around darkness.
The picture changed to black and grey
No blues or greens or warm yellow shades.
No singing of birds or gushing waterfall,
A gloom descended, covering her world.

It was then that she lost her delicate balance
Before she knew it she was zooming down the channel.
A fear rose and stifled her scream
What she could do, she couldn’t think
Her heart was in her mouth, thumping in her ears
She broke out in cold sweat, she reeked of fear.

Down down down
Down she tumbled to the underground
It could be a rabbit’s burrow she felt
She could be like Alice on her wonder quest
But alas! It wasn’t leading to wonderland
It turned out to be the tunnel to hell.

- Rukma

Specks of White

It was just another day at work when I looked out above the monitor. What a sight it was! A flight of Egrets had taken off in tandem from their resting place on a tree and were flying in the sky. Their whiteness so pure, was shimmering in the afternoon sun. I was spell bound. It was a while before I could attempt to write.

Specks of white floating in the sky
Gliding, soaring, in step, in time
Glistening in the sun shine
Silvery, grey, white sometimes
Sweeping across the sky
Settling on the green tops
What a sight it is!
Oh! What a delight it is!
My heart soars, skips a beat
Surely a glimpse of heaven this is.

- Rukma

A Listening Ear

When feeling down and out of sorts
We all go looking for a shoulder to lean on.
No advice is sought, no wisdom aspired
Only an arm around the shoulder and a comforting hug.

Not empathy not sympathy, not even a nod
Just a pat on the hand, a squeeze on the arm
Conveying I’m with you through it dear,
But most of all we sought, a listening ear.

So silly you say, don’t all ears listen,
Unless of course they’re hard of hearing?
No darlin’, they don’t, they’re a tad different,
Listening is an art while hearing is a function.

To listen and not comment, nor judge nor lament
To listen and be there, without trying to be wise
To listen and only listen, though tempted to speak
To take in through the ears and in the heart keep.
This art ain’t easy, it just ain’t easy.

- Rukma

On Labels & Tags

It amazes me how labels and tags are so important to us. So much so that we forget the basic oneness… that of us being humans. Castes, communities, regions, countries, areas, gender, family, school/college community, religion…the list is endless. These tags and many more bind us, they bring us together, and they also tear us apart.

Over time these labels become bigger than the person and we judge, accept, reject based on them. But what about that basic similarity - that we are all human beings?

I’m yet to come across a single religion that does not talk about humanity. Yet, the preachers of these very religions divide us into them and us, believers and non-believers, we and them. But peel away the mask, and there stands in all its glory, our common entity: humanity. Underneath it all we’re nothing but humans and that is the core. With a heart and a mind, a brain and an intellect, hands and legs, eyes and ears, mouth and tongue, nose and teeth; with fears and joys, pleasures and pain, feelings of elation and dejection, losses and gains.

Alas! This visible truth has over time come to be hidden under a pile of labels, tags and names, reeking of division, stinking of differences, marauded by our own creations. Where did we go wrong?

Why do we reject, offend, repel, kill, repulse and not accept another one of our own, based on nothing but man-made tags? Forgetting the truth that GOD himself has made us in the same cast. Why do we forget that we are equal in all ways, born alike, live life alike, grow up alike and die the same way too; the same cells, the same atoms, the same bone constitution and body organs. Yet, we point fingers, give names and tags, divide ourselves into groups, live life in strife and despair.

I know I will be called a fool to dream of a world by the one single reality of Oneness in all, the one single reality of the highest Dharma of humanity. What does it matter what name you give God, whether you believe or shun him for that matter? ‘Vasudaiva kutumbakam; the universal family screams the holy scriptures, but who’s got time to look into that, we’re busy practicing religion!!

Anything and everything goes, in the name of God. It just doesn’t make sense to me how there can be two manufacturers for the very same entity. My God, your God, his God and her’s, why can’t we instead just let God be God?! And live and let live in love and peace and above all acceptance? Total acceptance of each other without rejecting on the basis of man made labels.

Call me a fool if you like, but I look forward to that day…the day of oneness.
(Well, I'm doing my bit and it certainly doesn't hurt to try. Hope you'll join me too!)

Overcast Skies

Cloudy, grey all over,
Spots of black, drops of saline water
Thick fog, overflowing thoughts
No trace of sunshine, no moonlight either.

Impenetrable wall, mighty strong
Morose bricks, cement of chaos.
Winds of melancholy, blowing strong
Throwing asunder all signs of norm.

Alone, forlorn, nowhere to turn
Darkness engulfing, suffocation throughout.
A wreck, a mess, a bundle of frayed nerves
No rhyme nor reason to argue and fathom.

The hormones fought to reign supreme
A bundle of raw nerves was proof to see.
Taking a step back, detached from the mind
At last! A ray of hope, a way out of the mess.

She Walked the Lonely Road

She walked the lonely road
Brave, head held high.
The wind caressing her hair,
The sunlight twinkling in her eyes.

One foot forward
Followed by the next
In tandem they moved
Her sight fixed far ahead.

The birds circled high above
The clouds a dreamy blur
The wind whispering in her ears
Secrets she hadn’t heard before.

Her dream was lofty
Her vision very high
The horizon beckoned her forward
The past she left far behind.

The road she walked on she created
With every step she took.
None had tread this way before,
No doubt everyone gave her the look.

But nothing mattered no more
She was up and on her way
Her dream was all that mattered
Her life she’d begun to live.

Out on a discovery
On an expedition to find
All that she had heard about
All that her teacher had defined.

The treasure was hers if found
No one else could claim
It was rightfully hers
Provided she could bear the pain.

The search would take her far
Away from dear ones
Alone, by herself, she’d have to tackle
All the obstacles in her path.

Determination writ large on her face
Courage backing her stride
Her dream drawing her forward
Faith shielding her eyes.

Her gait remained ever steady
She neither faltered nor stalled
She tripped a few times over
But that’s about all.

Fall she did,
But didn’t stay down at all.
Picking herself up with grace
She continued on unflustered.

How many like her
Have only dreamt of journeys such
Of carving out their own niche
And creating unparalleled paths.

A strength for many to come forward
An inspiration for many to try
Proof that everything is possible
If only you dare to strive.

An Ache in the Heart

An ache in the heart
Tears streaming down the cheeks
Enveloped in loneliness, No one in sight
Do you ever feel what I feel?

No one to turn to
None to share what you feel
So many around
But not one within reach.

Friends & family, names to play with
Lovers & sweethearts sugary sweet
Many to share your joys with
Sorrow you’re left alone to deal with.

Words of solace,
A warm embrace
Can’t change your world
Or fill up empty space.

Harsh but true, these are lessons to learn
But alas! We’re stuck in a vicious circle
You aren’t there for others to turn to,
How do you expect them to be there for you?

Thus your pain is your pain alone
The gift of loneliness forever yours
The ache in the heart is here to stay
The tears will just not go away.

- Rukma

Crutches of Life

As we journey through life at every step we look for props, for support. Little do we realise that what we think are props are nothing but crutches. Though we are perfectly capable of walking all by ourself, we lean on these props and in time, due to sheer force of habit, the props turn into crutches and we become handicapped as we find ourself unable to even stand, leave alone walk, without support.

No doubt, as a baby we cannot function without external help but as time goes by, we should grow out of it. Unfortunately it isn’t so. as time passes by w not only not lose our old crutches but we add newer ones. From just parental dependency we move to siblings, cousins, friends, lovers, colleagues...the list goes on.

More appalling than the physical crutches are the emotional crutches. They leave us weak, dependent, morose, craving for love and attention like a parched earth begs for water. We end up, not givers of love but beggars of love; at the mercy of others, forever begging for a morsel of affection and attention…

Crying for a friend

I knocked on his door, calling out to my friend
Come later he said, I’m taking rest.

Hours passed, I knocked again,
Not now he said, I’m with a friend.

I waited an age, tried knocking again,
There was no response; he couldn’t hear me I guess.

I looked around to find another friend,
But in pursuit of one I’d lost all the rest.

- Rukma

Facets of Me

“The many facets of me surprise me. One shade this moment, a different one the next, a brighter hue in between, just before the darkest stroke.
In this blur of shades, hues and strokes lost somewhere deep within is little me. Scared, in awe, wanting to soar but not taking off, holding on tighter while trying to let go” said a little girl to me, not long ago.

How many of us go through life like that? Dreams, goals, ambitions starry eyed we start, a few wrong moves and then get stuck?

Some dare to pick up the lose ends and attempt getting back on track. Most just linger on the floor, gathering dust, full of remorse.

Do you have what it takes to soar high in the sky, in gay abandon and live a carefree life?

Nothing in life comes without a price. Give up your security, that’s such a heavy price.

The returns may come, or it could be otherwise, it’s a risk you take with your eyes open wide.

The vast open sky lures you on, “come embrace me” she calls out.

The temptation is strong, the attraction from within, to spread your wings and feel in your face the cool wind.

But fear weighs you down, not yet ready to fly, the intricacies of life still anonymous.

Destiny

In life there are no punishments and rewards – there are only consequences. Our scriptures have always said what Science finally discovered: that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

As you sow, shall you reap. What goes round comes around. Say it any way you like it, the fact is all that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own. And that is what brings us to destiny. Often destiny is misunderstood to be a fatalistic theory where we have no control over what’s happening in our life and have to silently bear what life doles out to us. This is a very limited take on destiny. Destiny is only a part of the Doctrine of Karma.

We write our own destiny. Probably many will not agree with this statement with arguments such as ‘Why would anyone chose poverty/sickness/handicap?’ Many would say it is God who has decided for us. But I cannot accept this. It goes against all reasoning because if God has decided what kind of life I have, then it makes Him a sadistic and partial God who chooses joy for some and pain for others. I deny such a God.

The only thing which has given me acceptable answers is the Doctrine of Karma. And that brings me back to destiny.

Destiny is nothing but the consequences of our actions in the past. What I do today will decide what I face tomorrow, and tomorrow I will call it destiny. So the destiny that I face today is nothing but the consequences of my actions and choices I have made in the past. I cannot change the circumstances that have arisen as a result of my past actions but I can surely alter my tomorrow by making the right choices today. This is called ‘self effort’. Thus, the circumstances that we are in is our destiny (result of our past actions), what we do and how we act, in those circumstances, is entirely in our hands.

We cannot plant cacti and expect roses and mangoes. If it’s roses and mangoes that you want, plant those! The Doctrine of Karma puts the responsibility of our life in our own hands. Thus, our destiny lies not in the lines of our palms but in the grasp of our hands. Let us think and act, for with every choice we make today we are writing our tomorrow.

Avdhut Kaka

"Avdhut kaka"... It feels extremely odd saying those words in my mind as I type them. It seems like ages since I last used them and it hurts to accept that they will never be of use again except in the recollection of memories.

I never realised how much he meant to me till he was no more. Even as I write this, there is an ache in my heart, a catch in my throat and tears are welling up in my eyes threatening to pour out. I wonder when he began to mean so much.

I guess some people are special. They make a place in your heart. They touch you somewhere deep. Such was this man, my Dad’s friend who we called Avdhoot kaka (Is it mandatory to use the past tense?? Every time I do it hurts. Now on, now that you’ve got the point, I’ll stick to the present tense; because a person of that kind lives forever, in the hearts and minds of people.)

He is gaiety personified. In all my 30+ years I don’t remember ever seeing him thoughtful, even for a fraction of a second, leave alone grumpy, sad, morose, worried or scared. The big smile, the throaty laughter, the repartee is constant.

To him life is one big party, to be enjoyed and lived to the full, come hail or snow, or rather by Goan conditions, come rain or shine. He lives life King size! And how!!

Quite a few birthdays were made extra special by him: a treat by the poolside for all my friends and family. Dining with him is never ordinary. The Chef is summoned with his magic wand. We always have what we want much to the embarrassment of and reprimanding by Daddy. He is the only one who can brush off my Dad’s stern objections. It is always, ‘Leave it, they’re kids’. (Even after I crossed 20 and 30!!)

I have only one complaint against him: he didn’t say bye before going. And that is the only thing that’s still hurting. More than a complaint against him, I guess it’s a complaint against myself… for never taking that little effort to go and see him. It’s only when he was gone that I realised I’d last met him six whole months earlier.

An important but painful lesson to learn…make time for people, for all your near and dear ones. Work goes on, if not through you some other. Tomorrow never comes, meet them now. The frustration one feels at the inability to turn the clock back and snatch just a few moments with the person gone is excruciatingly painful.

I remember that last evening vividly. He joined us for dinner after we had all eaten! (Sigh... what do we do with this man, late as usual.) As always, he came in like a breath of fresh air. His freshness and spirit was always contagious. Ever cheerful, he spread cheer around him like butter on a hot toast. And that’s how I think I should be in remembering him, if I truly love him...

(He’d be mighty amused reading this blog! Well, I simply chose to assume he is reading it!)

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I, I took the one less travelled by
And that had made all the difference.

But when, oh when did I get back
On the road much travelled by
Sad, morose, lost, a total wreck.

Is there no turning back?
No fork in the road to choose afresh?
Or maybe just a helping hand?

I look around, friends I see
My family, my colleagues
But the one my eyes scout for…

None will help, no one to lean on
Look within, find the strength
And move on.

Walk alone amidst the crowd
They’re all an apparition
The only real friend is Him alone.

With faith in Him, eyes on the goal
Keep walking alone, all alone
This journey you’ve started is worth it all.

On this path there is no fall
“Bounce back!” He screams,
But there’s no air in the ball…

Mind in pieces or at peace

It is only when our actions are aligned with our values, beliefs and philosophy of life that our mind is at rest. When our actions are not aligned with our values and beliefs the result is an agitated mind. An agitated mind can neither think straight nor take correct decisions. An agitated mind also results in us being emotionally high strung, such that the slightest change or obstacle or failure takes us right to the bottom of the pit.

When emotionally high strung we tend to swing from high to low at the drop of a hat. Does that mean emotions are bad? Not at all. Emotions are fine, emotionalism is not. Learn to handle your emotions and not let emotions handle you is what the Wise one says. Stand back, observe the storm of emotions as it rises and settles, periodically.
Be a ‘sakshi’, a silent observer. Watch as the emotions rise in your bosom, reach a pinnacle and then settle down. Don’t identify with the emotions. You are apart from them. You are not them.

If we don’t stand back as an observer the storm of emotions will rage havoc, leaving us behind as a heap of nerves, shattered, lonely, broken. And who wants to be with a nervous wreck? Nobody.