Life is Life

As Shakespeare rightly said...

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…

We come, we play our role and we go. The world goes on. What we do and how we do what we do while we are here is all that matters. We’re here one minute, gone the next. No one knows how long they’re here…but so long as we’re here, we can and must make a difference.

Adi Shankaracharya puts it poetically when he says “Life is like a dew drop on a lotus leaf, one never knows when a gust of wind will end its existence”.

All of us all well aware of this truth of life, yet we continue living, day after day, as though there is no end. There are enough things we put off for ‘tomorrow’, there are enough grudges we hold and hatred we nurture, all in the belief that there’s tomorrow. On the other extreme we have those who waste away their life on frivolous pleasures doing nothing substantial with their life.

The wise alone live in the present, making the most of each day. They neither spend their time regretting the past nor worrying about the future, but in the moment, making the best of it.

Generally, it is only in the time of tragedy that we give a thought to the frivolity of life, its unpredictable nature. We resolve to live life to the fullest and not waste a moment. We resolve to spend more time with our loved ones and make up with all those we’ve hurt or been hurt by. We resolve not to leave anything for tomorrow and make the most of the present. But day turns into night and night into another day…and there we are back to our busy lives. Till one gory day once again we face a tragedy and the cycle begins again…

Let’s not wait for a calamity, let’s start today, let’s start right now. Live life to the fullest, make the best of the present, for who knows, tomorrow might never happen, because life is…life.

I'm Sorry

There are people and there are special people. And some are so special, that you don’t see beyond them. It’s these people, the one’s closest to you, that you end up hurting, intentionally or unintentionally, you’re so close to them that you take this liberty (unfortunately). Words flow, bitterness grows, hearts get broken and friendships go sore.
All said and done you realise you were wrong. What do you do? Say sorry of course. And then, just hope against hope that it works.

I’m sorry 

For all the times I hurt you
For all the things I said to you
For all the days I shunned you
I’m sorry.

For all the times I didn’t care
For all things I didn’t do
For all the days you cried through
I’m sorry.

For all the times you explained
For all the things I didn’t believe
For all the days I stayed away
I’m sorry.

For all the times I doubted you
For all the times I questioned you
For all the days I troubled you
I’m sorry.

If only sorry was a magic word
But sadly it isn’t so
It doesn’t fix broken hearts
Or bruises or sores.
If only sorry could heal and mend
If only sorry could erase pain
If only sorry could turn the clock around
I’d use it in plenty right now.
Hey buddy...I'm sorry.

Blown by the Wind

Do you ever feel you’ve had enough of life? Do you ever wish time would stand still and for a moment, just for a moment the mind would go quiet? That the flow of thoughts would cease and that ache in your heart would disappear? That the emotions surging in your bosom would lay at rest? That the sun would keep shining in the sky and the birds stop in their tracks?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure do feel these things at times. And today is one of those days. Life feels too burdensome and the heart too heavy to continue carrying around. I wish the day would just end and tomorrow would be a new start. But alas! It isn’t so. Today simply continues into tomorrow. Like yesterday continued into today and the day before continued into yesterday. Tomorrow will be just another day.

Where and how and why do things go wrong? Do we mess things up or is it someone else’s fault? I tracked the route and it all boiled down to my fault. Why am I the way I am? Why am I so fragile? Why am I so emotional? Why do I break down at the slightest fall? Why do I lean on others and expect them to be there for me? Why do I give anyone so much importance? When will I ever learn to walk on my own?

A leaf in the wind
Blown around
No destination
No path
Just drifting along.

Doing nothing
Is the basic aim
But I’m unable to live it
Where all do I go wrong
I can’t handle it.

From nature we learn
To just Be
To rejoice in Being
At ease
At peace.

Well, talking is easy
Doing is not,
Moving, forward or backward
Or stagnating
I know not.

Why oh why
Why me?! I cry
There is no answer
There might never be
I hope I last to see the finality.

Walking the razor’s edge
Whoever said it’d be easy!
Knowingly I tread it
I chose it
Do I now regret it?

The mind plays tricks
That is its passion
It runs amok
Out of control
Dragging me along, with its ruthless hold.

No victory
No failure
No loss or gain
Keep walking, He says
I’m right behind ye.

My Lord, my Love
I’m so helpless
So weak
No strength to fight the matrix
Or live by it.

You are my saviour,
My anchor,
My buoy,
My boat to carry me
Across this ocean of turmoil.

I know you’re here
Watching my every move,
Laughing at my follies
Grinning at my goofs;
Don’t just look…help me through!

It ain’t funny anymore
I’m hurting so bad;
Every minute every second
Is so difficult to tread
Can’t you see I need your helping hand?!

Help me my Lord
Hold me close
Embrace me tight
Never let go
I need you so, I do need you so.

- Rukma

The Puppet

The Puppet

Tears of blood flowed down her cheek
Her heart was broken into tiny bits
Though feebly, it continued to beat.
Everything had changed at once
What was a lovely evening
Was reduced to a morose one.
The stars twinkling in the sky
Seemed to mock at her plight
At the mercy of her beloved
His actions had tremendous power
At once elating, at once painful
Being a puppet is definitely not gleeful.

Colours of the World

See green
Feel green
Eat green
Drink green
Think green
It’s green, green, green all over the world

See red
Eat red
Drink red
Flow red
Think red
It’s red, red, red all over the world.

See black
Think black
Feel black
Eat black
Drink black
It’s black, black, black all over the world.

The end.
No more rainbows or flowers...

Life Lost

Grains of sand slipped from her hands
Her life had gone by as easily
Nothing gained, much lost
Not really anything worth remembering.

One more soul had passed through life
Eat, drink, sleep, cry, rarely a smile
No path to follow, no goal to achieve
Wandering along, lost totally.

Why she was born, she wondered at times
Finding no answer, she’d brush it aside
The right to query, ponder and discover
Is not the right of many she’d learnt.

The soft breeze caressed her face
Her tangled hair covering her eyes
Through the gaps she gazed at the sea
One vast, silvery, glimmering stretch.

The sun slipped below the horizon
Her life had ebbed away as silently
She would leave behind not a mark
That she’d ever lived wouldn’t make history.

What romance the poets found in nature
It made little sense to her
Everywhere she looked all she found was sorrow
Even nature was in pain, not just she alone.

The water disappeared into the sand
Her life had gone by as easily
Nothing gained, much lost
Not really anything worth remembering.

- Rukma

White Canvas

White canvas
A splatter of yellow and pink
Shades of green all over
Ugly blotches of black
Oozing through the cracks streams of crimson red.

Wails in the background
Screams in the foreground
Pain shooting through the chest
As metal finds its mark.
Their good deed done for the day
But they continue on their way
The vision is high
The good Lord will applaud
They will win accolades…or so they say.

- Rukma

The Death

Broken promises, shattered dreams
A heart crushed into a zillion pieces
No sound was heard, not even a clink,
All that was seen was a red stream.
Deep, dark, drops of red trickling down the chin
In the silence of the night, a heart wrenching scream.
The wounds were deep, the knife had come out clean
Made of sugar, it was sickening sweet.
No sutures worked, bandages in vain
The pain she said was excruciating.
Is there a cure, can she be mended again
Is it possible to feel whole again?
She slinked into the bed, pulled up her knees
Hugging herself she tried to sleep
There hung a silence, deathly and still
You could cut through the air, it was sad, ominous.
Minutes ticked, the white sheet turned red
The shadow of death was felt
Life slowly ebbed away, a look of peace returning on her face.
What life had failed to give her, she had found in death.

No more promises, to give or take
No more dreams, to paint or erase
No more people, near or far
No more longing for the one that she loved
No more pain, causing tears of red
No more life, just peaceful death.
She had finally reached the end of the end.

- Rukma

Change

Change your hairdo; change your wardrobe; change your shoes; change your job; maybe change your vehicle too; but unless you change yours thoughts, it’s not going to change you.

Often we run around trying to change ourselves by changing everything about us. Little do we realise that what makes us are not the clothes we wear, the hairstyle we sport or the car we drive…what makes us are the thoughts in our head!

Change your thoughts and you change. Our thinking can make or break us. It’s a very simple; our energy flows where our attention goes. That is why we are forever told to think positive. Focussing on the positive, focussing on what we want makes the energy flow in that direction making it a reality. It works the same way with negative thoughts. Hence, it’s wiser to think about and focus on what we ‘want’ rather than what we ‘don’t want’. Think pain and lo! You experience it. Think happiness and lo! You experience it.

So, the next time you want to change yourself….don’t’ head for the beauty salon, simply change your thoughts.

Disclaimer: Attempt changing your thoughts at your own risk. Changing one’s thinking is a Herculean task and the writer is in no way responsible for your inability to easily change your thoughts (for the fact remains… it’s been years and she’s still working at changing hers!)

Alone to the Alone…all Alone

The journey of life is undertaken alone. Yes, I know many of you will not agree with me. And you’ll argue that you have friends with you, and family, children, spouse… True! All these people are there in our lives. And they probably stand by us and give us support. But look deeper and you will realise, that in reality we always walk alone. Mind you, the word is ‘alone’ not ‘lonely’. There’s a huge difference between the two.

Some might find the journey lonely but that’s a different issue altogether. What I’m talking about is being ‘alone’. The major difference between the two is that in loneliness there is pain while in being alone there is joy or at least there’s no pain.

Gurudev says, ‘Alone to the Alone, all Alone’. If we understand this fundamental reality of life, life can be smooth sailing and far easier to handle. Unfortunately most of us fall into the trap of a support system. Not realising nor accepting that the journey is to be undertaken alone we live in the fallacy of the people around us being our co-travellers. Yes, they are our co-travellers but each on his own journey. In our life, we are alone. They will applaud, support, sympathise, empathise but the actual walking is to be done alone. Our experiences, the obstacles we meet, the failures we face, the successes we achieve are ours and ours alone. Others may empathise, hold our hand and pat our back but what we feel is ours alone. Be it the pain of a loss or the happiness of a gain, our feelings are ours alone.

So let's look within and seek our Self. Life will then be a joyous song and we will walk along, with a skip in our step. Let’s walk! Let’s walk alone!

The Touch of Love

The stroke of the fingers…the warmth of the palm…the caressing touch…the love is evident in the touch of the hands. The touch of the hands is enough to lift my sagging spirit and heal my wounded soul, not forgetting the magic it creates in mending my battered and pain ridden body. I call this the healing touch. It’s not in the hands, nor in the massage, and neither in the balm being used. It’s simply love.

I’m talking about the touch of my parents’ hands. (What did you think??!!)

Whenever I’m down and out, be it fever or headache or something worse what provides instant relief is the touch of my parents’ hand. Be it my mother or my father, the moment they lay their hand on my forehead I feel a surge of energy. The sense of wellbeing returns. Be it the lightness of my Mother’s hand or the heaviness of my Father’s hand…what’s common is the experience of love. As she strokes my forehead to relieve me of a headache…as he places his palm on my forehead to check whether I’m running a temperature. Yes, it’s the touch of love.

No medicine, no balm, no counselling, no doctor can do what the touch of love can. It heals, it mends, its cures, it binds, it strengthens us. I almost wish to fall ill more often in order to experience this healing touch. Believe it or not, you have to experience it to know the healing touch. In the expression of love the physical connection is a must. Often, in the process of growing up we drift apart, not emotionally, but physically. The instances of touch reduce. It is only on rare occasions that the physical connect happens. But when it does, it’s one immense experience. Trust me…I’m still basking in the last one.

The Imp-Man

This blog is for the convenience of the friend for whom I wrote this poem. The goat that he is, he doesn’t have the copy I gifted him. The poem was written a few years ago.

As I said in one of my previous blogs, friends are of different kinds. They touch our lives in different ways; what is undeniable though is that they inevitably touch our life.

This goat is one such friend. He’s been not just a friend but a guide and mentor too. He’s the one I can share my deepest problems with. He’s the one who’s helped me walk when I thought I couldn’t even stand. He helped me back on my feet and guided me back on track. He’s managed to make me laugh when all I could do was weep. He’s encouraged me to be the best when all I thought I could do was manage. He’s been my teacher and taught me far beyond books. He has cared and dared to show. He’s made time for me when actually he had none. He’s opened my mind to a whole new perspective to life. He’s given me vision when all I had was sight.

Once again, this one’s for you, you Goat!


The Imp-man

A child at heart
An imp by nature
With behaviour most incorrigible
Knowing not what he’ll do next
Definitely drives me haywire.

With twinkling eyes
And a naughty smile
He pulls my legs no end
Driving me crazy, getting me tizzy
He does with sleight of hand.

Careless chatter
Merry banter
He listens without complaining
His listening ear, his joyful cheer
Is enough to lift me when brooding.

Merry songs
Skylarking stunts
The antics of a rogue
Of all the naughty things he says and does
The snide remarks I abhor!

At times he’s most exasperating
With his mischievous ways
Setting no limit
Keeping no time
In his many escapades.

And though it may seem
Like I’m complaining
It simply isn’t true
For in his crookish, impish ways
I’ve found a friend so true.


- Rukma

Working Hard or Hardly Working

If you do what you love, and love what you do, you do not have to work for a single day of your life. This is what I truly believe. And trust me, I have experienced this first hand. There are times when I have worked but most of the time I have not. Not because I was idling my time but because I was thoroughly enjoying what I was doing and hence to me it wasn’t work.

Modern science refers to this as one’s aptitude. Our ancient scriptures call it ‘swadharma’. It is only when we work in line with our swadharma that not only is our efficiency is at its peak but also our satisfaction. That is, what in modern times we refer to as work satisfaction. So often we here of people changing their jobs for lack of satisfaction. And so often we come across people who are lacklustre about their work. Every morning is another dreary start to the workplace and every evening a relief to get out of the workplace. Weekends are looked forward to right from Monday morning, while Mondays are lamented about right from Friday evening. And then there are the rare, fortunate ones who have zeroed in on their aptitude/swadharma and work in line with it. They are the ones whose face lights up at the thought of a Monday and who frown at the mention of a holiday.

That in some ways is my biography. It is a common joke among my colleagues that they should not inform me about upcoming holidays as it will upset me and my strong thoughts might somehow revoke the holidays! Not that I don’t enjoy or look forward to holidays. Everyone needs a break to do nothing. But I always look forward to getting back after the break. Come to think of it, I landed in my profession quite by chance. And thank God for that!

In the beginning I was naïve enough to think that like me everyone enjoyed working. Slowly, but surely, it dawned on me that it is not so. Most don’t enjoy what they’re doing. This is not for the fault of the job but for the fact that they’re in the wrong place. It’s something like the monster.com ad that flashes ever so often on TV. The classical dancer working at the airport directing the airplane is a classic case. They couldn’t have pictured it better.

So what is it that lands a person in the wrong job?? In some cases the person is not at all aware of what their swadharma is. Worse still, they are not even aware that there is something called ‘aptitude’. In other cases, although they know what they love doing, they still opt for other jobs for want of economic security. They compromise. How right or wrong they are, is for them to decide.

What I do know is, I have hardly worked a single day of my life, and I hope I continue to do so.
Can’t wait for Monday!

Are you indispensable?

I once read somewhere, “if you want to know how indispensable you are, do the following: -
1. Take a bucket filled to the brim with water
2. Put your hand in it and swish it around.
3. Take out your hand.

The hole that is left behind in the water after you take your hand out is how indispensable you are.”

Truly hard hitting isn’t it?

On a similar theme Charles de Gaulle said, “The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men”.

What a powerful statement! I was completely zapped on reading it. Most of us tend to live through life as though the world wouldn’t go around if not for us. Well, maybe not the whole world, but at least someone whose world we ‘think’ we are. But it is not so. The world goes on. Life goes on. You’re around, that’s great. You walk out, fine. Life goes on.

One should be wary of committing the folly of thinking one is indispensable. If ever that thought even crosses your mind remember, the cemetery is full of indispensable people.

The Light Within

Come October and everyone gears up for the festival of lights. Houses are lit up, the ‘akash diyas’ are put up…homes get a thorough cleaning and of course loads of shopping. After all it marks a new beginning...so new clothes, new jewellery, new vehicle, new everything.

Expect...a new me.

We change our clothes, change the house paint, change the look of the house, change our jewellery, change our linen…but how many of us actually pause to look within and change what is of utmost importance? Do we even consider changing our thoughts, our outlook, our attitude, our perspective? Do we think of changing for the better? That after all is what matters. And unfortunately that is what is most difficult of all. How lovely it would be if we could enter a shop and buy loads of positive attitude, oodles of love, kilometres of wider vision and heaps of good thoughts. But alas! It isn’t so.

We kill the Narkasur outside but clean forget about the Narkasur within. Diwali is meant for searching deeper, for identifying our very own Narkasur and getting rid of him. It is only when the Narkasur is removed that Krishna shines forth. It is only when the lamp of knowledge is lit that the darkness of ignorance is dispelled.

With this Diwali let’s light lamps of love and cheer wherever we go. But most importantly let’s not forget to go where the light is always aglow, where every day is Diwali.

Happy journey!

What More Can I Ask For

A lot of people come into our lives but there are those few who touch deep within. They come and leave an indelible mark on our life. They are the ones who touch deep within, one way or the other. They are the ones we call friends.

Here's a poem I wrote years ago for my friend Sonali, but the same stands true for all my other friends. Today I re-dedicate the poem to all my dearest friends, the stars in the night sky that is my life.

What More Can I Ask For...

Someone…
To lean on
To listen to your woes
To comfort you, to hold you close
What more can one ask for?

Someone…
To count on when times are tough
To share dreams, hopes, aspirations
Even the wildest ones
What more can one ask for?

Someone…
To correct, to reprimand you
To teach, to guide you
To heal, to nurture you
What more can one ask for?

Someone…
Who loves you the way you are
Despite your follies, your faults, your idiosyncrasies
Accepts you unconditionally
What more can one ask for?

Ti’s but a miracle…
To get without asking
To find without looking
That ‘someone’ we call a friend
So true, so fine, so dear

I don’t remember asking
But God gave you to me
What I did to deserve you,
Well, don’t ask me!
What more can I ask for?

-Rukma

'He'

There are teachers, and there Teachers. Some teach, some help us learn. Some teach, some touch our lives to change them forever. Here's a poem I wrote some years back, a humble tribute to my (spiritual) Teacher.

He

He is love,
He is peace,
He is the ocean, so vast, so deep.

He is a smile,
He is laughter,
He is tears of joy and surrender.

He is a friend,
He is a neighbour,
He is a parent, nourishing forever.

He praises,
He admonishes,
He pampers and spoils.

H lifts and soars our spirits high,
He instills faith and boosts our pride.

He is a whip which keeps us in check,
He is a magic wand that casts on us a spell.

He is a teacher, who loves and reprimands,
He is a harness that keeps our feet on the ground.

He is the light,
He is the pointer,
He is the way too.

He points out the road less travelled by
Urging us to go on, walk in your own light.

- Rukma

Single & Unavailable

Single & Unavailable is my newest tag line. I am most tempted to print it on the front of a t-shirt and flaunt it everywhere I go but better sense prevails (read ‘family hitting the roof’).

We singles are never left alone. Somehow people think singles need to be sympathised with, encouraged to ‘keep trying’ and definitely never ever to be left single! They need to be hooked. They need to meet more people (read ‘singles of the opposite sex’). They need to have an open mind. They need to be less choosy and more practical. They need to think about their future and old age. They need to think of companionship. They need to think of having kids. They need to think of their parents (the pain they go through by your staying single). They need to think of society. They need to think of the whole world. But never do they have to think of themselves!

But then whose needs are these? Does the single feel these needs? Or are they imagined by the non-singles? If so, then I see no reason why the single should consider them. Do we singles ever go telling the married ones to get back to being single? To think about how wonderful it is to be single? About what a big help we’re rendering the earth by not adding to the world population?

According to most to stay single is blasphemy! It is unacceptable. It is selfish. I secretly believe the reason for this outrage is plain jealousy. Mind you, a few of my married friends, young & old alike, have actually admitted this. So, I’m not far from the truth.

Everyone has a right to live their life in the way they deem fit and in a way they want to, irrespective of whether that chosen path is approved by others or not. But society (read ‘nosy people’) have a tendency to poke their nose into others’ lives but finally it’s in your hands as to how much leeway you give them to question & probe & (ill) advise. As for me, I give a damn! I say it out loud…I’m single & unavailable.

When Hunger Strikes

Some people eat to live and there are others who live to eat. My friends H & G are some of those who make up the latter. Think food Think H/G or rather Think H/G, Think food. Yeah, yeah ok, I am exaggerating a bit. They do other things too! They play, they drive, they sing, they write….etc etc. No, they don’t cook!!

Recently I read somewhere, ‘A cardiac doctor’s diet: Avoid any food that tastes good’.

And that’s exactly where we falter. It is only in case of extreme sickness that we avoid food. In fact it’s the body that rejects it in a bid to give the system a rest. We just don’t feel like eating, though at times we might even be hungry.

Arguing against healthy but no so tasty food are the connoisseurs of food like H & G who believe in enjoying life to the hilt and taking each day as it comes. Eat, drink and be merry, who knows about tomorrow. And then there are others who are so cautious that they can’t go beyond salads and soups and boiled stuff. Tasty? What’s that?!

I guess the idea is, like in all good things in life, moderation. Not too loose, not too tight, just right. Strike a balance & you’ll get more years of going against the cardiac’s diet.

What about me you ask? Well, I am perennially on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

Bon appetite!!

Act, don’t react!

There’s a striking quote of Voltaire’s which goes something like this, “I may often regret that I have spoken but never that I have remained silent”.

We may not realise the profundity of these messages until we experience it in person.

So often we shoot our mouth off only to repent later; a knee jerk reaction to be repented at leisure. Often these hasty reactions leave behind a gamut of hurt, pain, animosity, bitterness, broken relationships and more importantly broken hearts. Rarely these results are reversible. Like it’s said, ‘Words & hearts should be handled with care; for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest thing to repair; for even when mended the crack is still there.’

We end up with all this when all that was required is a pause. A pause to think and then act, according to the best of our discrimination, unbiased by emotions. As my Teacher puts it in simple words, ‘Act, don’t react’.

I’m sure you’d agree with me wholeheartedly that that moment’s pause in the heat of the moment is far better than all the regret and guilt that we go through later. So the next time you are ready to explode, whether in speech or the written word, stop! Think! Then Act! True, it’s not easy, especially when provoked knowingly. But then, I think that’s what differentiates a boy from a man, and a girl from a woman.

Bloom for Heaven’s Sake

I never cease to wonder at the ways of Mother Nature. Some of the most important lessons in life we can learn from Her. What reminded me of this is the bunch of flowers I have in my room. Flowers can make such a difference turning an otherwise drab or regular room into a bright, lively one. In recent times it has almost become a habit for me to have fresh flowers in my bedroom. Well, at the risk of contradicting myself, I do believe flowers are best left on the plant. It hurts me to pluck flowers. But at the same time, the effect they have on our mind is undeniable. Caught between these two thoughts, my friend helped me find the way out by gifting a lovely colourful bunch. It perked me up so much, that there has been no turning back since.

The various hues and shades, the freshness of the flowers freshen up my mind. In fact I recently chanced upon an article in the newspaper that said experiments have shown that the presence of flowers in the room lead to sweeter dreams. Now that’s worth trying don’t you think?

Flowers have an important lesson to teach...they bloom; irrespective of whether there’s anyone to appreciate them or not, they simply bloom. Have you ever noticed the beautiful, tiny little flowers of roadside weeds? I wonder how many people stop to notice and appreciate them. Who appreciates the flowers in the wild? Sometimes you see them growing out of a crevice in the wall, between the stones in the path where they could be trampled upon. But it doesn’t bother them. No matter where they are growing, they live by their nature and simply bloom.

Like them we should learn to bloom, whether or not we are appreciated, noticed or cared for. Simply bloom for we are endowed with such potential it is unfair to leave it dormant. Go ahead…simply bloom for heaven’s sake.

The Healing Effect of Cleaning

Accept it or not all of us have cobwebs in the mind. Some have thick ones, some have very fine, ‘hardly seen’ ones. Regrets, worries, hurts, confusions, dejections, broken relationships, anger, jealousies, failures, losses and so on add fine strands to the web making it stronger and more intricate.

Just as a room full of cobwebs is uninviting, detestable, confusing and unhealthy so is a mind full of cobwebs. Such a mind can never think straight, albeit it can never think at all! It can only be a mass of confused thoughts! Such a mind cannot take decisions.

So what’s the solution? Well, like the way we clean the cobwebs in a room we need to take a brush and clean up our mind. But sadly that’s not possible. But there’s another way out…read on.

You might be surprised, you might think I’ve lost my marbles, but this is true: cleaning and tidying your room/desk/drawer/wardrobe etc. somehow clears up the mind too. I have experienced the healing effects of cleaning time and again. If I’m tensed and worried or plain upset I pick up the dust cloth and broom and clean away to get a neater room and a calmer mind. I don’t know the science behind it but probably the act of tidying and discarding of unwanted objects, clearing of the dust symbolically represents clearing up the cobwebs of the mind and we end up feeling better.

So the next time you feel down and out, don’t cry, don’t fret, don’t loll in bed, simply pick up the broom and sweep the cobwebs away!

Free to Live

Born freeeee….
As free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart.

…go the lyrics of a popular song; one of my favourites in fact. Nice to sing, nice to listen to, nice to dance to (well, I love to dance to it…with gay abundance!) In fact the words are worth a thought.

We are born free, in a free country. But how free are we? Are we free to live? Are we free to follow our heart? Have you ever wondered?

I do believe we are born free, but somewhere down the line as we grow up, the shackles come on. What are these shackles? Who puts them on? Why do we allow them?

Fear is the fetter on our freedom. Fear stops us from being free. This fear could be ingrained in us from childhood. Not for want of love but out of love. Our parents suffer from their own fears and that prompts them to unwittingly pass on the fears to us. Fear of our safety, fear of loosing us. This in turn puts fear in our hearts and we grow up fearful. Some are less fearful than others but fearful all the same. Fear of society, fear of being maligned, fear of being ostracised, fear of being isolated, fear of being alone, fear of letting down, fear of letting go, fear of taking on responsibility, fear of taking decisions…and so on.

The fact is we are as free as we want to be. If we want to be free nobody can stop us. There is only one entity in this whole world who can stop us from being free and that is our own self. No one but you yourself is responsible for the way your life shapes up.

Drop the fear and you are free; free to live!!



(PS: In case you haven’t heard the Born Free song, you must. Here are the lyrics…

Born free, as free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows,
Born free to follow your heart.
Live free and beauty surrounds you, the world still astounds you,
Each time you look at the stars.
Stay free where no walls divide you, you're free as the roaring tide,
So there's no need to hide.Born free and life is worth living, but only worth livng,
Cause you're born free.)

Of Promises & Letdowns

There is only one sure fire way of not being letdown and that is not to have any expectations. The moment you have an expectation you have opened the doors to hurt. But not to have any expectations seems humanly impossible. The next best thing would be to reduce the number of expectations.

The pain of letdown is one that I am familiar with, like just about everybody else. The pain of a let down pierces through the heart like a spear. It goes right through and through. Tears well up, the head feels light, the chest tightens…you’d almost think you’re getting a cardiac arrest. But no, it’s far worse than that. Sometimes the let down is followed by apologies galore, sometimes none whatsoever. At times the person doesn’t even realise he/she has let you down. And at times, they realise but couldn’t care less.

The letdown may be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious but the fact is that it hurts. Some wounds heal soon after, some fester for days, weeks, months, years. Sometimes we feel the wound has healed and carry on with life till just a casual remembrance brings back that familiar ache in the heart and you realise you’ve far from healed.

But why is it that we make promises that we can’t keep? Why can’t we be more realistic when we give assurances? Why promise the moon when we can’t deliver it? Promises are easy to make but extremely difficult to keep. We are all aware of this, yet we keep promising, assuring and swearing and breaking not just the promises but hearts as well in the bargain. The breaking of a heart doesn’t make a sound but it crushes into a zillion pieces. The heart bleeds, it aches, it hurts. Then follow the dismal attempts at repair and damage control. We apologise, we try to make up in other ways or worse still we make yet another promise of never to repeat the breaking of the promise. And then alls well…till history repeats.

But what if you are on the other side? What if you are the one who has letdown somebody? Even then the pain is still there, provided you really care about the person. You apologise, you try to make up for the lost deed, you are ready to do anything to erase the lapse. But alas! It isn’t that easy. In this case your tail is in that person’s hand. If only that person takes the incident objectively and forgives and forgets, only then you can relax. Otherwise….woe betide!

Made in Heaven, Suffered on Earth

I often wonder who could have come up with the institution of marriage. Various reasons are stated for the need of this institution but I’m left wondering if it’s all worth it. Do we really need marriage? What is this thing called ‘sanctity of marriage’? What about ‘live in relationships’? Are they any different from marriage barring the fact that the couple hasn’t gone through the rituals and the legal procedures?

You reach the final year of college and the proverbial question pops up at every given opportunity… ‘so when are you giving us good news?’ Gender no bar, question bar bar! Try as I might I have failed to understand in what way someone’s marriage will bring happiness to the society at large.

What is this deep urgency that people feel to get someone ‘settled’? is it jealousy that raises its ugly hood knowing someone is better off than you and prompts you to urge the single & fancy free person to get married? Or is it some sadistic streak that makes them prompt you to get married? Or is it plain concern for being left ‘alone’ in old age? How the hell do you substantiate giving up of 40 good years for the sake of old age!

I know most of you will think I’m a life time member of the anti-marriage bureau. But I’m not. Marriage has it plus points too. I agree. But, it’s an individual choice. The grass isn’t green on either side. Being single has its own problems and plus points and same goes for marriage. Which is why I repeat…it’s a personal choice. Why can’t the singles be just left to be single? And one’s who are married…well...be happy being married. That’s your choice.

Everyone needs a friend

Everyone needs a friend. Anyone who says he/she doesn’t is lying. I for one can vouch for the important role that friends play in one’s life. I have had friends as far back as I can remember. In fact there are two with whom I have literally grown up with. We were born around the same time and lived across the road from each other. Over the years we didn’t meet as often but whenever we did meet we continued from where we left. This I find most amazing.

Then I had my holiday friends. They came to stay at their granny’s place which happened to be in my neighbourhood. We met only during vacations and of course picked up from where we left at the beginning of each vacation.

Then there were the school friends. The three of us made a strong team and we stood by each other and enjoyed school life. This was followed by my higher secondary school friends. We had lots of fun together…and a li’l bit of studying too! And then came my college friends. A close knit group of seven, together we were fun, cute, mischievous, curious, sweet….& studious too!

My colleagues came next. Some are more than mere colleagues, we are friends, and very close at that. In between there came a special person, my teacher, my mentor who is also my friend. He gave a twist to my thinking, my perspective on life. And therein began my spiritual life. After that came a lot of friends who walk the same path as I.

But this blog is not about any of those friends. This blog is about my closest friend…my buddy. My buddy’s entry into my life was most inconspicuous. Really nothing to write home about. We met, we said hi, we acted pricy, we left. Period. Later we met again, we said hi, we argued, we picked at each other and left. And that’s when our friendship began.

Everyone needs a friend

Everyone needs a friend
Someone to stand by you
Someone who loves you
Someone who accepts you
With all your craziness.

Everyone needs a friend
Someone who encourages you
Someone who cherishes you
Someone who helps you
Without hesitation.

Everyone needs a friend
Someone who corrects you
Someone who reprimands you
Someone who stops you
When you’re on the your wrong track.

Everyone needs a friend
Someone who wipes your tears
Someone who share yours joys
Someone who cares for you
More than you can ever fathom.

I found in my buddy all this and more
Words fail me, I can write no more…

Without Him

With all due respect to Feminists (well, I too qualify to be one, but not an extreme case. At least I hope I'm not. Only friends n fly would be able to confirm that) here's a poem on what it is to be without Him. Yes, you can also say Her, or even It for that matter; for now lets go beyond the grammar & punctuation and focus on the essence of the poem.

Who is 'Him' you ask? Well, you are free to relate to the 'Him' in way you like. It can be God, father, mother, friend, lover, brother, sister..... the choice is yours!

Without Him

The night without its stars
The morning without the sun
The brook without its gurgle
Like the snow in the sun.

The bird without its chirp
The flower without its scent
The grass without its colour
Like a spider without its web.

The guitar without its strings
The drum without its beat
The flute without its music
Like the trumpet without a peep.

The air without the wind
The thunder without its roar
The dog without its tail
Like a fish out of water.

Like a canvas without paint
Like a monsoon without the rains
Like a tree without roots
Like a dry leaf in the sun.

A Lifetime Plan

People come into our life for a reason, a season or lifetime...says a popular email fwd. Come to think of it, it sure does make a lot of sense. How else would you explain the discontinuance of close friendships and the disappreaing of people we're close to, for no apparent reason. Like the mail says some people come into our lives for a reason and when that reason no longer exists they go away. Some people stay on for a season, a little longer while. Once that season is over, they're gone. And then there are those few who come into our life to last a lifetime. Their entry may be sudden and out of the blue, but they come and simply stay on. There is a reason that brings them into our life, but they continue to be a part of our life for a lifetime.

At every stage in life we experience this. People come, people go. Some people come and never go. They form an important part of our life and leave an indelible mark on every page of the book of our life. We cannot imagine life without them. We cannot see beyond them. Their absence is frightening and painful. Their company delightful. Ofcourse, there is also the other breed of lifetime people who add excitement to our life with the troubles they cause. My thanks to them too. Life would be boring without them.

But this blog was mainly for the people in my life who are on a lifetime plan. The one's who add colour to my life. The one's who make each day special. The one's who stand by me through the ups & downs of life.

Talking about reasons reminds me of one of my favourite poems called 'There is a reason', composed by Pujya Swami Chinmayanandaji or Gurudev as we lovingly call him. It goes like this...

There is a Reason

There is a Reason
For every pain that we must bear,
For every burden, every care
There is a Reason.

For every grief that crushes our heart
For every scalding tear we shed,
There is a Reason.

For every hurt, for every plight,
For every lonely, painful night,
There is a Reason.

Yet, if we trust God, as we all must,
It can all turn out to be for our good, as
He knows the Reason.

- Swami Chinmayananda

Kiss & make up

Mellow tiffs, cold wars, steamy fights, fiery arguments....form an uncanny part of any relationship. Be it parent & child, siblings, friends, colleagues, relatives, lovers or even enemies (yes! enemity too is a relationsip)...when two people are close there's bound to be some friction some time or the other. And there's nothing wrong in that. Its natural. It provides comic(if I may say so) relief. It adds spice to an otherwise sterotype relationship. And it keeps us on our toes. And it helps in honing our skill of apologising, appeasing, cajoling, convincing & making up. I think one of the best parts of a fight is the end of it...what is called 'kiss & make up'. Whether you kiss or hug or simply say sorry, getting back together with a smile is a different feeling. The saccharine sweetness mixed with the earlier bitterness and fiery anger gives a heady feeling. The sun is shining bright. The birds are singing again. The world is beautiful once more.

When love is in the air... - Poem

To continue what I said earlier about the connection of thoughts & feelings & mind set...here's another poem. Those in love would probably identify with what the poem says.

When love is in the air…

The sky is more blue
The sun is more bright
The mornings are so fresh
The night’s sublime

The flowers are sweeter
The butterflies more dazzling
The moon prettier
The evening’s velveteen.

The clouds are softer
The river more vibrant
The bees so much prettier
The rains so enchanting.

The stars in the sky have never shined so bright
The waves crashing on the shore are now a joyous sight.
The simple things in life have begun to have more life
I never realised it was such a joy just being alive.

But that is what love does to you
It changes your vision and uplifts your mood.
It adds a lilt to your voice and a skip to your step
Life begins and you never want it to end.

Each day is special, full of moments to cherish
Every minute is different, every hour unique.
There isn’t a moment when there’s no reason to smile
Life’s no more a drag but truly worthwhile.

- Rukma

The Sorry Tale - Poem

The Sorry Tale

Alone walk through the woods, the less travelled road of no return.
Alas! I have strayed onto the beaten path, I choose the known despite the pain.
The stink, the pricks, the jab of broken glass with every step
Yet I keep going, the fleeting pleasures numbing the pain that goes in deep, so deep.

I see the unbeaten path, it beckons, it’s inviting, I drool at the thought of unknown findings
Yet my courage fails me and I continue with my spasms of pain and gain
Faltering, failing, falling and rising, it happens so rhythmically, you almost enjoy it.
The sadistic pleasure is intoxicating but more than that it’s the comfort of knowing.

Been down this road, fallen so often, scrapped my knees and scarred my heart
I chose the road less travelled but to no avail, it made others feel a fool, they wailed.
They dragged me back, lured me and cajoled me, and simply stopped me in my tracks.
Somewhere down the line I succumbed, heaved a heavy sigh and followed suit.

The road less travelled they say is not for you, you’re one of us, we need you
Emotions sway, thoughts go haywire, discrimination comes to a halt, the heart takes over.
Thereafter it’s a merry ride as you swing on your emotions, oft down, at times high
Is it all worth it? I might never know. To take each day as it comes is all I know.
- Rukma

M back!

It's been a long blog holiday. Not for any special reason...I can probably zero in on lethargy(lazy sounds so crass!). And I'm back thanks to this friend of mine who for reasons known to him alone, is interested in reading what I write.

So here's to the Montain King!

Ode to a Mother

It's Mother's day today. So ironic that we need to reserve a day to remember her. The very person who's spent the best years of her life taking care of us.Frankly, according to me this is not in sync with our Indian culture where we worship Mother. Mother is God, 'maatru devo bhavah'. Nevertheless in todays world I guess such a day is required. Anyways, even if we don't need it, the card and gift companies certainly do! Here's something I penned for my Mom...

A doctor at times, a nurse part-time
Healing cuts and mending broken hearts
With caressing kisses and tender embraces.

A teacher so oft, a guide and mentor too;
Helping us sail through the sea of life,
Be it rough seas or times sublime.

Holding my hand, leading me across the street
With her by my side the world seemed to be at my feet.

Staying up nights was a common occurrence-
As I grappled with fever she’d sit by my side
And soothe my frayed nerves with her sweet lullabies.

The lullabies she sang still echo in my heart
Oh, why did childhood have to go by so fast!

Though gentle and unassuming, weak she is not.
Her calmness belies her fortitude, her endurance
As she handles life’s crises’ with quiet forbearance.

The strength beneath the silence
I’ve oft failed to recognize;
Its only now that I’m beginning to see her in true light.

Mother my dearest I want you to know,
You’ve been a better mum than I could ever ask for.
If there’s anyone who’s lacking
It’s only me your daughter, only me your daughter…

Ode to Pani Puri

Will all due apologies to Shakespeare…a pani puri by any other name is just as yummy! Be it the pani puri of Mumbai, the puchka of Kolkata, the gol gappa of Delhi…sluuurp…the pani puri reigns supreme as a gastronomic delight amongst street food. It surprises me no end as to how something so simple, unassuming & economical can be so full of flavour. But mind you, not everyone can conjure up a good pani puri. I’ve tried at different places, all over India, and can vouch for that. I for one believe there's none to beat the pani puri at Krishna's. Ah!The taste lingers for long after.

As the overflowing puri lands on your tongue and sends tingling sensations through the taste buds you come alive. As you close your gaping mouth over the puri, it goes crunch giving way to an avalanche of the soft filling. Be it garam naram chana, or the mashed potato or just about anything…. combined with the tangy, sweet chutney, along with the cool, spicy pani… the sensation is heavenly. I bet there isn’t one person in the world who has eaten pani puri and not liked it. Ofcourse some like it less and some like it more and some like me…well… we need a regular dose of it to maintain our sanity!

I remember first eating it in Ahmedabad. I must have been around 10 or so and we were on a family holiday. It was a cool evening and we had gone sight seeing. On way we stopped for a snack. Dad introduced me to it. Ever since I have been an ardent, die hard fan. I still remember the unique combination of the hot filling and cold water. Hmm…if ever there was a heaven…that was it.
God bless the soul who invented the pani puri! A thousand salutations unto thee.

Sunny Sundays

I just love Sundays! And i'm sure most people do. Linger on in bed till late, no brain shattering alarm bells, late breakfast, an even later lunch, afternoon siesta, drive around town or meet up with friends, maybe a dinner out...
Basically relaxing. But what i like most about Sundays is the time with the family. Everyone's home with no hurry about getting anywhere. The kids, all 4 of them, creating a ruckus in unison, the TV vying for our attention...my bros and I lazing around doing..eh..nothing. Dad Mom busy doing..eh..nothing. My SILs hovering around the kids....the dogs doing their bit. All in all a perfectly lovely, noisy Sunny-day!

I wouldn't exchange a Homey Sunday for anything in the world. :) :)

To continue with the gender bias topic...
No doubt its women who bear the brunt, but at the risk of sounding a male chauvinist I think men have their own cross to bear. How? Read on.
1. Even in these so-called liberated times, men are expected to go out and earn the bread and butter. The option of staying at home and looking after the children, while the wife goes out to work, is not open to them. They have this option only if they have the strength to withstand the gossip, the ridicule and the general disapproval. What is wrong in being a house husband when it’s perfectly fine for a woman to be a house wife?
2. If a girl does not take up a career it’s nothing to worry about, but does a man have that option? I have enough girl friends who have no career and perfectly fine staying home and managing the house while their husbands are running around to earn a living. I don’t see anyone looking down on these women.
3. When it comes to marriage parents want their daughter to marry a man who can give her a secure future. ‘A well settled boy’ is a major criterion. It would never occur to them that their daughter should be able to fend for herself.
4. Women have been moving into their husband's houses for centuries and that’s never been an issue. If a girl can shift to her husband’s house why is it demeaning for a boy to shift to his wife’s house?
5. If a boy cries he’s a sissy, if a girl cries, it’s perfectly acceptable and in fact attracts sympathy and comforting from people around. Why? Don’t boys have feelings? Shouldn’t they have the right to express without facing scorn?
6. If a girl plays cricket she is labelled a tomboy but if a boy plays with a doll…heaven forbid! Society is more indulgent on girls acting like tomboys but there is a stigma attached to a boy being effeminate. Why?
7. Society has a tendency to doubt the masculinity of men who design clothes for women, or male make-up artists, or men who follow any profession that breaks away from the regular. Somehow, men who don't hold nine to five jobs with a salary cheque that puts food on the table are not deemed manly enough. But women taking up traditionally male roles are admired and hallowed.

Frankly, I don’t agree with the feminist’s demand of equality or being ‘like men’. We have enough men around, why do we want to turn women into men? It’s high time we accepted that men and women are different. Mind you, different neither means inferior or less in any way. It just means...hmm…different. According to me, the very fact that we ‘want to be like men’ means we consider ourselves less than them. We are not. We are equal, but different. Like say sugar and honey. They’re both sweet, yet they’re different.

Recently Woman's day was celebrated. Frankly, I'm not proud of having such a day...a day dedicted to women. As though we are some relics from yesteryear. And if nothing else it gives men a chance to joke.. "What about a day for men? and you talk of gender bias". But jokes aside time and again we hear appalling stories about women being victimised. Female foeticide continues at an alarming rate in some states in India. Ironically those very same states who are facing these problems have been time and again producing women who have proved their mettle and placed India on the world map. We have all heard enough and more about the subjugation and ill treatment of women and the bias shown to the male progeny. And many of us have experienced it first hand, some time or the other, to a lesser or greater extent.

More on this later.

Ola!

...and finally D day dawns. After being asked, cajoled, forced, threatened, reminded (umpteen times) I'm finally blogging. Happy Mr.Pai? :) Well i don't blame him for fuming. I'm the one who got him here, but never got down to joining him. Hehe... but finally..HERE I AM!!

What will I write on? Well, this, that and the other. Anything that catches my fancy. Everytime my fingers itch to hit the keys on my laptop, and words & thougths overflow from my tiny brain..this is where you'll find them. ot me this blog will be something like the 'thought sieve' (did I get the word right?) from Harry Potter.

Laters!