It was a beautiful,
wet morning. Light showers, and a bit of sunshine filtering through. The lone
yellow flower blooming in the pot of office plants brought a smile to my face
and wiped out all the pent up irritation that I had carried along from home. I soaked
in the beauty around for a while, and then got on with my routine.
That morning the poder (traditional Goan baker) who
delivers fresh bread every morning didn’t turn up at the usual time. I waited,
my ears preening for the familiar honk of his horn. It was nearly 7:30 when he
finally turned up. I rushed through breakfast, nicked my finger in the bargain,
while cutting fruit and rushed to work, angry with the poder for making me late for work. You can imagine how the rest of
my day must have been!
Whenever we end up in
tears or are steamed up, 99% of the time it is not because of someone else,
though we may like to believe so or rather, firmly believe so. What really gets us worked
up or worn down is when things don’t go the way we would like them to, people
don’t behave the way we’d like them to.
The poder (baker) turned up late this morning and threw
my schedule off track. Grrr! That poder…!
She didn’t even call me back! What nerve!
He didn’t even wish me on my birthday. Sigh…
I took so much trouble to decorate the living room. They
didn’t say one good word about it. Sniff…
The poder, she, he, they… are responsible
for making you feel angry and upset, right? Wrong. It’s not how others respond
or fail to respond, the angry or sad emotion is a result of things not
happening the way would want them to. And therein lies the problem: expectations.
When I expect people to be there at a time that
I want them to, when I expect my
phone calls to be returned, when I expect
everyone to remember my birthday and wish me, when I expect people to notice and appreciate the work I’ve put in… therein
lies the recipe for disaster. The antidote to this malady is a simple mantra:
Live and let live. Don’t burden people around with your expectations. Everyone
has a right to live the way they want to, as much as you and I do.
So, let’s live. And
let live.
