The Significance of Being Insignificant

Anu, my next door neighbour barged into my room, without even waiting for her knock on the door to be answered. Her face was flushed and she was ready to burst into tears. Plopping herself on my bed she waited for me to join her. Obviously something was terribly wrong somewhere and she was hurting. Placing my hand on her hand, I softly asked, ‘Is everything okay, Anu?’

‘No! Nothing is okay!’ she burst out.

Anu was a middle school teacher in one of the most reputed private schools in Mumbai. An extremely innovative, hardworking  and much liked teacher, she was recently appointed Section Head of the middle school. I waited for her to go on.

‘I have no idea why the school has appointed Section Heads at all! I tell you, the headmistress! Oof! Not a pin can be moved without her permission! Literally! If she is going to decide everything, why should we be given the charge of Section Heads? The Management decided to appoint Section Heads in order to reduce the load of responsibilities on her shoulders. But do you think she wants to let go? No way!’

‘Even for something as mundane as assigning teachers for substitution, we have to take her permission! Can you beat that? Why should two people work on the same minor tasks? She might as well handle it herself and I can focus on my teaching instead of wasting my time and energy on job duplication.’

‘Shreya, the Section Head of the senior school was so upset today. The HM gave directions entirely contrary to what Shreya had assigned to the peons just yesterday. Imagine Shreya’s frustration. All her careful planning gone for a toss! Besides, the peons will not take her word seriously anymore. They know now that the real authority is the HM alone. How is Shreya supposed to function? How is any of us supposed to function?’

Be it in a business, where the father does not let go of the reins for the children, or the mother holding on to the house and kitchen long after her children are married. Be it heads of institutions who want to be the one taking even minor decisions, or project heads and directors who will keep every decision in their hands. That’s not all, we find even student representatives in colleges, team leaders, Heads of Departments, principals, class monitors in schools... just about in every position of authority and importance that the one in the hot seat, does not want to let go. Yes, kissa kursi ka takes place not only in politics, but in every nook of life. Age, gender, community and nationality are no bar.

The irony is, that the ‘oppressed’ in time take over to become the oppressor, forgetting completely what it felt like to be the one oppressed. In some cases, it is not forgotten, and the tenure becomes a time to get back. Alas, the one bearing the brunt now, is often not the one who caused the suffering to begin with. So who are we really taking revenge on? Often this ‘holding on’ is the cause of strife, stress and bitterness in what could otherwise have been healthy, happy relationships.

What exactly is the psychology behind this holding on and wanting to retain control? Fear of being insignificant? Fear of being forgotten? Lack of self-confidence? Greed? Selfishness? Attachment? The possibilities and explanations are many. The important thing is to be alert enough not to fall into that trap ourselves. Madonna’s song ‘to have and not to hold’ is one worth singing to ourselves every morning!

The only thing significant about our existence is our insignificance in the universe. Once this fact is internalised, and we live in awareness of our insignificance and indispensable existence, we can live free, enjoying everything we have, without being weighed down by our strong holds.