Blown by the Wind

Do you ever feel you’ve had enough of life? Do you ever wish time would stand still and for a moment, just for a moment the mind would go quiet? That the flow of thoughts would cease and that ache in your heart would disappear? That the emotions surging in your bosom would lay at rest? That the sun would keep shining in the sky and the birds stop in their tracks?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure do feel these things at times. And today is one of those days. Life feels too burdensome and the heart too heavy to continue carrying around. I wish the day would just end and tomorrow would be a new start. But alas! It isn’t so. Today simply continues into tomorrow. Like yesterday continued into today and the day before continued into yesterday. Tomorrow will be just another day.

Where and how and why do things go wrong? Do we mess things up or is it someone else’s fault? I tracked the route and it all boiled down to my fault. Why am I the way I am? Why am I so fragile? Why am I so emotional? Why do I break down at the slightest fall? Why do I lean on others and expect them to be there for me? Why do I give anyone so much importance? When will I ever learn to walk on my own?

A leaf in the wind
Blown around
No destination
No path
Just drifting along.

Doing nothing
Is the basic aim
But I’m unable to live it
Where all do I go wrong
I can’t handle it.

From nature we learn
To just Be
To rejoice in Being
At ease
At peace.

Well, talking is easy
Doing is not,
Moving, forward or backward
Or stagnating
I know not.

Why oh why
Why me?! I cry
There is no answer
There might never be
I hope I last to see the finality.

Walking the razor’s edge
Whoever said it’d be easy!
Knowingly I tread it
I chose it
Do I now regret it?

The mind plays tricks
That is its passion
It runs amok
Out of control
Dragging me along, with its ruthless hold.

No victory
No failure
No loss or gain
Keep walking, He says
I’m right behind ye.

My Lord, my Love
I’m so helpless
So weak
No strength to fight the matrix
Or live by it.

You are my saviour,
My anchor,
My buoy,
My boat to carry me
Across this ocean of turmoil.

I know you’re here
Watching my every move,
Laughing at my follies
Grinning at my goofs;
Don’t just look…help me through!

It ain’t funny anymore
I’m hurting so bad;
Every minute every second
Is so difficult to tread
Can’t you see I need your helping hand?!

Help me my Lord
Hold me close
Embrace me tight
Never let go
I need you so, I do need you so.

- Rukma