The Man Who Says Nothing

Silence, it is said, is the language of the wise. I had heard about this and read much about saints like Ramana Maharishi who said much by saying nothing. 

To find a common man living a simple, mundane life, and waxing eloquent through silence is a surprising rarity. To most of the people around him, it is unnerving and to those closest to him, it is often most exasperating. But their frustrated outpouring is water over a duck's back. He continues unaffected, unabated, as silent as ever. Maybe even more. 

He speaks when spoken to, though not always. He'll answer to the point, yet only when he thinks it's important to say something at all. Anything that does not concern him is none of his concern. And if it does concern him, it'll be dealt with in the fewest words possible, which is usually a soft, 'Hmm'. 

We might be sitting nearby roaring with laughter, he'll continue reading his book without as much as a glance our way. His funda is simple - what he needs to know will be pointedly told or shared with him. 

We may be engaged in a serious conversation in hushed tones. He might glance up once, that's all. He's no nosy parker. Curiosity has never itched out a 'who, what, why, when' from him. 

His wife may be talking dime a dozen, sitting beside him, yet she'll have no clue whether he's listening. Until she finally asks, ' Did you hear what I said?' Only for him to glance up and say, 'Eh?'  Frankly, I'm surprised how she hasn't yet socked him!

When I serve him food, I watch him closely for a hint of feedback.  No, not a flicker will be visible. Rare are the days when I receive praise or constructive criticism. But when he does, he conveys it all with a single adjective, 'Utkrushtt!' Trust me, it makes my weeks and not just my day!

One day, after much persuasion, he agreed to see a neurologist. Not because he complained of anything but because we had been 'observing' a change in his gait. 

Doctor: How are you? 

He: I'm fine. They feel the need for me to see you. 

We (smiling sheepishly): Hehe.

Doctor: Do you have any difficulty in doing mundane stuff?

He: I have difficulty in writing. 

Doctor: Since when?

He: Over a year.

We (nearly falling off our chairs): Eh?!!

We cringed as the doctor threw us a glance, accusing of neglect. Sigh… Facing such embarrassing situations was something we have had to learn to take in our stride.  

One morning as he sat reading the newspaper, he was given the sad news of the death of someone he loved and revered. The news was expected. Yet, I watched him with trepidation. He looked up, confirmed the news and turned back to his newspaper, thereafter continuing with his daily routine. 

Was he untouched by the news? Certainly not. But he's not one to make a show of what's going on within.

Like the lotus in murky waters, he is in the world but not of the world. The vicissitudes of life barely brush past him.  God must have broken the cast after creating him, for he's like no other person I've heard of or seen.  No wonder my respect for him goes up yet another notch, with every new incident. The beauty of silence is what I'm learning from him. 

To speak without a word

To convey without telling

To know without asking

To limit what he takes in.

That's him. That's him.

Going Deep & Flying High

The highlight of the concrete jungle that is the buildings in our colony, is a huge almond tree, nearly the height of our five storey building. Home to many a creature, from squirrels to exquisite birds, the tree is a wealth of lilting music in the wee hours of the morning when its feathered residents cheerily herald a new day. That certainly beats the harsh beep of the finest alarm clock! While filtering life-giving sunlight into my patio, the foliage of the large green leaves shelter my bedroom from the scorching heat of the midday sun. The robust, lush green tree is my refuge, my quiet friend whenever I feel defeated by life.

During stormy monsoon weather, the tree sways menacingly, its leaves rustling and hustling, sending a shiver down my spine. Heavens forbid, if it falls, it will land straight on our building! In spite of the shadow of fear lurking, I love to watch the sight – the howling wind winding its way between the branches, tickling and shaking every leaf and fruit. It is as though the tree and the wind are deeply engrossed in an intelligent conversation on weighty topics of universal importance. I listen in, losing myself in the hushed sounds. Thoughts cease and time stands still. Effortless meditation is what is experienced.

One fine morning I woke up to the sound of hacking and falling of branches. Looking out of the window, my heart ached and I shed silent tears, for the once lustrous tree now stood bare, fruitless, leafless, stripped off its beauty.

My morning ritual of watching the tree and its various residents had ended. I just didn’t have the heart to open the windows in the mornings, because the sight of the sad, barren tree was heart wrenching... no chirping birds, no screeching squirrels…just solemn silence.

When I returned from vacation a week later, I dreaded looking out of the window at the thought of finding a miserable looking, barren tree trunk. But I was in for a pleasant surprise. Tiny green shoots were sprouting from a number of spots on the tree trunk. The splashes of bright green of the new tender leaves promised a new start, a new life.

I watched in wonder, smiling at the hope it signalled. Though it was stripped bare, denuded off every leaf and branch, it had come around and started afresh – because it was firmly, deeply rooted. Had its roots not gone deep, it would have given way and probably withered to death.

While it gave me renewed hope that I too could start afresh, it reminded me of the necessity of being rooted in one’s core values. That alone would help me withstand the crazy, unexpected storms of life and get back to my feet every time life served a hard blow. No wonder the Beatles sang, ‘The deeper you go, the higher you fly.’

To Live or Not to Live

Come birthdays and wishes for a long life are showered upon you. And if that’s not enough, the ‘you’ll live a hundred years’ when you appear just when people are thinking or talking about you go on throughout the year. Come to think of it, is a long life really a blessing? There are two points which come to my mind.

To begin with, I would any day choose a good life over a long life. Whatever number of years I live, may those be happy and industrious. I’d choose a short but good life, over a long mediocre one. My spiritual teacher M once said, ‘If at the end of your life you have just four people vouching that their life has been better because of you, then your life is fulfilled.’ I don’t know if I have four people who would vouch for me at this moment, but I sure do make a conscious attempt at it in my everyday living. When the moment of departure does arrive, I hope I can say that life has been worth it.

Secondly, at the alarming rate that environmental destruction and climatic changes are occurring I dread to think of a long, long life. This year I experienced the most unbearable of all summers! My body just couldn’t handle it. I’m sure many would agree with me. During my recent trip to Uttarkashi I didn’t get a chance to even take the light sweater out of my suitcase. It was alarming! Just five years back when I visited Uttarkashi in the month of May the weather was such that we were all wearing light woollens. And now, just five years down the line, it was late September and blazing hot! If this is how it is now, what do we have in store for us? The environmentalists are prophesying lack of water, unbearably high temperatures with their resulting illnesses, unhealthy changes in the weather and what not…a deadly future indeed! And you want me to live long? No way!

Bless me do, but for a healthy, happy and fruitful life. The longevity I can surely do without.

Why

Why do we weep when there’s so much to smile about?
Why do we hurt when it’s really not worth a cry?
Why are we forlorn, inspite of all the beauty around?
Why allow melancholy when there’s music playing in the background?

The key to our happiness we place in someone else’s hand.
Like a puppet we move around lacklustre and staid;
So much to lament about, no time to see the grace;
Who is to be blamed but I, me and myself.

Why do we stand in the way of the shadows?
Why doesn’t dawn herald a new start?
Why do the flowers fail to make me smile?
Why does the bird’s flying make me cry?

A dusty vision, a sight gone bad;
Nothing seems to go the way I planned.
The routes gone askew, new roads I dread;
Walking the trodden path I don’t find savoir faire.

Why do we worry, get stressed and strained?
Why do we live like we’re here forever to stay?
Why do we hate, despise and scorn?
Why do we not be nice to all?

Nobody said there’d be shine and no rain.
No promise was made of life being roses all the way.
Salt and sugar, spice and sweet, sour and bitter
Melt together to make life a big tease.

Why do we not look beyond the faults?
Why do we look for perfection in all?
Why do we shout, scold and deride?
Why do we not live at peace with ourself?

Life is to be lived, like actors on stage;
Play each role to the hilt and leave with grace.
You’re not the acted, mere acting you do
Discover what you are behind the mask and costume.

- Rukma

The Journey of Life

The journey of life is a mysterious one
Turns and crossroads we come across
Some easier to fathom than others
And at some we just have to turn around
Jump over the boulders or get stuck.

With the eyes on your goal the obstacles seem small
But the obstacles loom large when the vision is switched off
Often tired, sometimes forlorn, I keep going inspite the odds.
Giving up is easy, it’s beckoning so enticing
How easy it would be to just relax and do nothing.

But that’s not what I’m here for, to make a difference I stand
My birth would be worthwhile only then, I have to oft remind myself.
Breathing, eating, procreating and dying…even worms do that.
With a human life comes a great responsibility
How far I fulfil it remains to see.

- Rukma

A Long Life: To Live or Not to Live

Come birthdays and wishes for a long life are showered upon you. And if that’s not enough, the ‘you’ll live a hundred years’ when you appear just when people are thinking or talking about you go on throughout the year. Come to think of it, is a long life really a blessing? There are two points which come to my mind.

To begin with, I would any day choose a good life over a long life. Whatever number of years I live, may those be happy and industrious. I’d choose a short but good life, over a long mediocre one. My spiritual teacher M once said, ‘If at the end of your life you have just four people vouching that their life has been better because of you, then your life is fulfilled.’ I don’t know if I have four people who would vouch for me at this moment, but I sure do make a conscious attempt at it in my everyday living. When the moment of departure does arrive, I hope I can say that life has been worth it.

Secondly, at the alarming rate that environmental destruction and climatic changes are occurring I dread to think of a long, long life. This year I experienced the most unbearable of all summers! My body just couldn’t handle it. I’m sure many would agree with me. During my recent trip to Uttarkashi I didn’t get a chance to even take the light sweater out of my suitcase. It was alarming! Just five years back when I visited Uttarkashi in the month of May the weather was such that we were all wearing light woollens. And now, just five years down the line, it was late September and blazing hot! If this is how it is now, what do we have in store for us? The environmentalists are prophesying lack of water, unbearably high temperatures with their resulting illnesses, unhealthy changes in the weather and what not…a deadly future indeed! And you want me to live long? No way!

Bless me do, but for a healthy, happy and fruitful life. The longevity I can surely do without.

The Terrifying Guest

Life is unpredictable. You never know what will happen next. In our foolish ignorance we plan far ahead and leave umpteen things for ‘one day’, little realising that ‘one day’ might never happen.

In the span of a few weeks I have directly or indirectly faced the loss of near and dear ones. Shock and disbelief are felt first, only to be replaced by pity, despair and intense sorrow. If we are able to remain firmly rooted in Vedanta then death does not cause unending sorrow. We face life and death far better.

After all what is death? The Bhagwad Gita puts it very simply as ‘casting off of worn out garments by the Self’ (II:22), that is, the Jeeva (akin to soul) or the Self drops the body which has lost its significance and accepts a new one.

Lord Krishna mentions some important points in the same chapter, which if understood and internalised would forever destroy the fear of death. The Lord extols us to understand:

- That which is born must die. What has had a beginning has to have an end. It's simple logic.

- The Self is unborn hence it does not die. The person does not cease to be when the body is destroyed. It only moves on to a different plane. Only the body is destroyed.

- The body for the Jeeva is just like clothes are for us. As we discard worn out clothes, so does the jeeva discard the used body.

- The Jeeva is eternal, it was, it is and it will always be. There is no beginning and no end.
All beings are unmanifest in the beginning, then they manifest and once again go back to unmanifest. Thus, there is no cause for lamentation. It is a continuous cycle of change.

- It is incorrect to think that the Self dies - only Matter perishes. For the body - birth and death are inevitable; it is born to die again. The cycle of life and death continues.

- The wise do not grieve for they understand the nature of the Self.


No doubt it is easier said than done. For, as humans we are governed by our emotions. It is only when the clouds of emotion break up and the intellect shines through that we are able to think and apply the knowledge that we have. With our intellect clouded by emotions all that we are assured of is acute sorrow and despair. But the wise one, keeping his emotions in check, is able to see in the light of his intellect and act wisely. No, this does not mean one becomes emotionless, nor does it mean suppression of emotions, but only that one can channelise the emotions and not let the emotions overwhelm us. It means the ability to bounce back sooner. You feel, but you don’t get drowned in your feelings.

Is it practically possible one would wonder. Yes it is. I have seen people rooted in Vedanta bouncing back with amazing alacrity after having faced a crushing tragedy. I repeat, they were not sans emotions, but their emotions did not overcome them; something like a lotus that is born out of the water yet remains untouched by it. Understanding death would lead us to the state of the great Sant Tukaram who proclaimed, ‘My death is dead’.

Bored to Death

Bored to death, but death evades me.
Wonder what lies behind life’s screen.
A reflection of life or something serene,
Beauty and pace replete with harmony,
Or a painful reminder of a life that has been?
Hide and seek it plays with me,
Never allowing me within its reach,
The time isn’t right, there’s more to see,
A life of happiness sprinkled with misery, generously.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice,
Whatever you choose, it’s in your hands my boy.
Smile through the thorns or cry through the blooms,
The feeling in your heart is for you to choose.
Death your friend will wait patiently by,
Reaching out to you when the time has arrived.

- Rukma

Crutches of Life

As we journey through life at every step we look for props, for support. Little do we realise that what we think are props are nothing but crutches. Though we are perfectly capable of walking all by ourself, we lean on these props and in time, due to sheer force of habit, the props turn into crutches and we become handicapped as we find ourself unable to even stand, leave alone walk, without support.

No doubt, as a baby we cannot function without external help but as time goes by, we should grow out of it. Unfortunately it isn’t so. as time passes by w not only not lose our old crutches but we add newer ones. From just parental dependency we move to siblings, cousins, friends, lovers, colleagues...the list goes on.

More appalling than the physical crutches are the emotional crutches. They leave us weak, dependent, morose, craving for love and attention like a parched earth begs for water. We end up, not givers of love but beggars of love; at the mercy of others, forever begging for a morsel of affection and attention…

Life is Life

As Shakespeare rightly said...

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…

We come, we play our role and we go. The world goes on. What we do and how we do what we do while we are here is all that matters. We’re here one minute, gone the next. No one knows how long they’re here…but so long as we’re here, we can and must make a difference.

Adi Shankaracharya puts it poetically when he says “Life is like a dew drop on a lotus leaf, one never knows when a gust of wind will end its existence”.

All of us all well aware of this truth of life, yet we continue living, day after day, as though there is no end. There are enough things we put off for ‘tomorrow’, there are enough grudges we hold and hatred we nurture, all in the belief that there’s tomorrow. On the other extreme we have those who waste away their life on frivolous pleasures doing nothing substantial with their life.

The wise alone live in the present, making the most of each day. They neither spend their time regretting the past nor worrying about the future, but in the moment, making the best of it.

Generally, it is only in the time of tragedy that we give a thought to the frivolity of life, its unpredictable nature. We resolve to live life to the fullest and not waste a moment. We resolve to spend more time with our loved ones and make up with all those we’ve hurt or been hurt by. We resolve not to leave anything for tomorrow and make the most of the present. But day turns into night and night into another day…and there we are back to our busy lives. Till one gory day once again we face a tragedy and the cycle begins again…

Let’s not wait for a calamity, let’s start today, let’s start right now. Live life to the fullest, make the best of the present, for who knows, tomorrow might never happen, because life is…life.

Blown by the Wind

Do you ever feel you’ve had enough of life? Do you ever wish time would stand still and for a moment, just for a moment the mind would go quiet? That the flow of thoughts would cease and that ache in your heart would disappear? That the emotions surging in your bosom would lay at rest? That the sun would keep shining in the sky and the birds stop in their tracks?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure do feel these things at times. And today is one of those days. Life feels too burdensome and the heart too heavy to continue carrying around. I wish the day would just end and tomorrow would be a new start. But alas! It isn’t so. Today simply continues into tomorrow. Like yesterday continued into today and the day before continued into yesterday. Tomorrow will be just another day.

Where and how and why do things go wrong? Do we mess things up or is it someone else’s fault? I tracked the route and it all boiled down to my fault. Why am I the way I am? Why am I so fragile? Why am I so emotional? Why do I break down at the slightest fall? Why do I lean on others and expect them to be there for me? Why do I give anyone so much importance? When will I ever learn to walk on my own?

A leaf in the wind
Blown around
No destination
No path
Just drifting along.

Doing nothing
Is the basic aim
But I’m unable to live it
Where all do I go wrong
I can’t handle it.

From nature we learn
To just Be
To rejoice in Being
At ease
At peace.

Well, talking is easy
Doing is not,
Moving, forward or backward
Or stagnating
I know not.

Why oh why
Why me?! I cry
There is no answer
There might never be
I hope I last to see the finality.

Walking the razor’s edge
Whoever said it’d be easy!
Knowingly I tread it
I chose it
Do I now regret it?

The mind plays tricks
That is its passion
It runs amok
Out of control
Dragging me along, with its ruthless hold.

No victory
No failure
No loss or gain
Keep walking, He says
I’m right behind ye.

My Lord, my Love
I’m so helpless
So weak
No strength to fight the matrix
Or live by it.

You are my saviour,
My anchor,
My buoy,
My boat to carry me
Across this ocean of turmoil.

I know you’re here
Watching my every move,
Laughing at my follies
Grinning at my goofs;
Don’t just look…help me through!

It ain’t funny anymore
I’m hurting so bad;
Every minute every second
Is so difficult to tread
Can’t you see I need your helping hand?!

Help me my Lord
Hold me close
Embrace me tight
Never let go
I need you so, I do need you so.

- Rukma

Life Lost

Grains of sand slipped from her hands
Her life had gone by as easily
Nothing gained, much lost
Not really anything worth remembering.

One more soul had passed through life
Eat, drink, sleep, cry, rarely a smile
No path to follow, no goal to achieve
Wandering along, lost totally.

Why she was born, she wondered at times
Finding no answer, she’d brush it aside
The right to query, ponder and discover
Is not the right of many she’d learnt.

The soft breeze caressed her face
Her tangled hair covering her eyes
Through the gaps she gazed at the sea
One vast, silvery, glimmering stretch.

The sun slipped below the horizon
Her life had ebbed away as silently
She would leave behind not a mark
That she’d ever lived wouldn’t make history.

What romance the poets found in nature
It made little sense to her
Everywhere she looked all she found was sorrow
Even nature was in pain, not just she alone.

The water disappeared into the sand
Her life had gone by as easily
Nothing gained, much lost
Not really anything worth remembering.

- Rukma

Alone to the Alone…all Alone

The journey of life is undertaken alone. Yes, I know many of you will not agree with me. And you’ll argue that you have friends with you, and family, children, spouse… True! All these people are there in our lives. And they probably stand by us and give us support. But look deeper and you will realise, that in reality we always walk alone. Mind you, the word is ‘alone’ not ‘lonely’. There’s a huge difference between the two.

Some might find the journey lonely but that’s a different issue altogether. What I’m talking about is being ‘alone’. The major difference between the two is that in loneliness there is pain while in being alone there is joy or at least there’s no pain.

Gurudev says, ‘Alone to the Alone, all Alone’. If we understand this fundamental reality of life, life can be smooth sailing and far easier to handle. Unfortunately most of us fall into the trap of a support system. Not realising nor accepting that the journey is to be undertaken alone we live in the fallacy of the people around us being our co-travellers. Yes, they are our co-travellers but each on his own journey. In our life, we are alone. They will applaud, support, sympathise, empathise but the actual walking is to be done alone. Our experiences, the obstacles we meet, the failures we face, the successes we achieve are ours and ours alone. Others may empathise, hold our hand and pat our back but what we feel is ours alone. Be it the pain of a loss or the happiness of a gain, our feelings are ours alone.

So let's look within and seek our Self. Life will then be a joyous song and we will walk along, with a skip in our step. Let’s walk! Let’s walk alone!

Free to Live

Born freeeee….
As free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart.

…go the lyrics of a popular song; one of my favourites in fact. Nice to sing, nice to listen to, nice to dance to (well, I love to dance to it…with gay abundance!) In fact the words are worth a thought.

We are born free, in a free country. But how free are we? Are we free to live? Are we free to follow our heart? Have you ever wondered?

I do believe we are born free, but somewhere down the line as we grow up, the shackles come on. What are these shackles? Who puts them on? Why do we allow them?

Fear is the fetter on our freedom. Fear stops us from being free. This fear could be ingrained in us from childhood. Not for want of love but out of love. Our parents suffer from their own fears and that prompts them to unwittingly pass on the fears to us. Fear of our safety, fear of loosing us. This in turn puts fear in our hearts and we grow up fearful. Some are less fearful than others but fearful all the same. Fear of society, fear of being maligned, fear of being ostracised, fear of being isolated, fear of being alone, fear of letting down, fear of letting go, fear of taking on responsibility, fear of taking decisions…and so on.

The fact is we are as free as we want to be. If we want to be free nobody can stop us. There is only one entity in this whole world who can stop us from being free and that is our own self. No one but you yourself is responsible for the way your life shapes up.

Drop the fear and you are free; free to live!!



(PS: In case you haven’t heard the Born Free song, you must. Here are the lyrics…

Born free, as free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows,
Born free to follow your heart.
Live free and beauty surrounds you, the world still astounds you,
Each time you look at the stars.
Stay free where no walls divide you, you're free as the roaring tide,
So there's no need to hide.Born free and life is worth living, but only worth livng,
Cause you're born free.)

When love is in the air... - Poem

To continue what I said earlier about the connection of thoughts & feelings & mind set...here's another poem. Those in love would probably identify with what the poem says.

When love is in the air…

The sky is more blue
The sun is more bright
The mornings are so fresh
The night’s sublime

The flowers are sweeter
The butterflies more dazzling
The moon prettier
The evening’s velveteen.

The clouds are softer
The river more vibrant
The bees so much prettier
The rains so enchanting.

The stars in the sky have never shined so bright
The waves crashing on the shore are now a joyous sight.
The simple things in life have begun to have more life
I never realised it was such a joy just being alive.

But that is what love does to you
It changes your vision and uplifts your mood.
It adds a lilt to your voice and a skip to your step
Life begins and you never want it to end.

Each day is special, full of moments to cherish
Every minute is different, every hour unique.
There isn’t a moment when there’s no reason to smile
Life’s no more a drag but truly worthwhile.

- Rukma