‘In the end, it is not what we do for our children, but what we have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings’, said the columnist Ann Launders, and rightly so. That’s also what will determine whether the adult child is grateful and thankful to the parents or detests them for having messed them up with their overbearing love.
Parents often
confuse love and care with indulgence and pampering. Some parents even
experience guilt for not doing something for the child, or for making the child
do something. The trick is in balancing the act and being aware of whether your
parenting is helping the child or squashing his individuality and confidence.
Typical mollycoddling involves the
following –
a) Excessive hand-holding – Taking
over when the child attempts to do something.
b) Being overprotective – Some parents
never let the child out of sight, they are always watched, picked up when they
fall, cautioned.
c) Micro-management – There are parents
who micro-manage every single facet of the child’s life, from something as
simple as buttoning the 10-year-old’s shirt to buttering his bread!
d) Over directive – They just can’t
stop themselves from constantly giving directions, even for things the child
has been doing on his own since years.
e) Gratification of the child’s
every demand – Some parents confuse love with gratification of demands. Whether
instant or delayed, gratification of every single demand is detrimental to the
child’s well-being and is certainly no sign of parental love.
‘Your kids require you most of all to love
them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.’ — Bill
Ayers
