Let Live!

It was a beautiful, wet morning. Light showers, and a bit of sunshine filtering through. The lone yellow flower blooming in the pot of office plants brought a smile to my face and wiped out all the pent up irritation that I had carried along from home. I soaked in the beauty around for a while, and then got on with my routine.

That morning the poder (traditional Goan baker) who delivers fresh bread every morning didn’t turn up at the usual time. I waited, my ears preening for the familiar honk of his horn. It was nearly 7:30 when he finally turned up. I rushed through breakfast, nicked my finger in the bargain, while cutting fruit and rushed to work, angry with the poder for making me late for work. You can imagine how the rest of my day must have been!

Whenever we end up in tears or are steamed up, 99% of the time it is not because of someone else, though we may like to believe so or rather, firmly believe so. What really gets us worked up or worn down is when things don’t go the way we would like them to, people don’t behave the way we’d like them to.

The poder (baker) turned up late this morning and threw my schedule off track. Grrr! That poder…!

She didn’t even call me back! What nerve!

He didn’t even wish me on my birthday. Sigh…

I took so much trouble to decorate the living room. They didn’t say one good word about it. Sniff…

The poder, she, he, they… are responsible for making you feel angry and upset, right? Wrong. It’s not how others respond or fail to respond, the angry or sad emotion is a result of things not happening the way would want them to. And therein lies the problem: expectations.

When I expect people to be there at a time that I want them to, when I expect my phone calls to be returned, when I expect everyone to remember my birthday and wish me, when I expect people to notice and appreciate the work I’ve put in… therein lies the recipe for disaster. The antidote to this malady is a simple mantra: Live and let live. Don’t burden people around with your expectations. Everyone has a right to live the way they want to, as much as you and I do.

So, let’s live. And let live.

Ties That Bind & Gag

What must be the searing pain,

Of a child abandoned at birth,

Maybe at the hospital, or at an orphanage,

A dustbin, the roadside, dirty gutter or worse?

For no fault of the infant,

For reasons of gender, rape, poverty

Recklessness in love.

Or whatever reason unknown to us.

That question of ‘why’

Constantly jabbing at the heart

The dull pain stinging

The tears long dried up.

The glorious fables of parents

Familial bonding and sibling love

Sharp in contrast

To what gets doled out.

Holding on tight, suffocating free thought

Or far from near, bereft of warmth

The child struggling to be

Or pining for what’s not.

Family, parents

Ties that bind and gag

Too lose or too tight,

A disconcerting noose nonetheless.

Some hold on too long

Some let go too soon

The sweet spot of balance

Very few do choose.

The kite let loose

Goes with the wind

Dipping and rising

With no purpose or direction.

Held tight by the string

The kite pulls towards the open sky

Never having tasted freedom

It believes that’s life.

Loosen the strings

And watch from aside

Glow in the fact

That your child’s soaring high.

The child with no strings at all

The child held on too tight

Neither is better off

Unless allowed to fly free in the sky.

The Significance of Being Insignificant

Anu, my next door neighbour barged into my room, without even waiting for her knock on the door to be answered. Her face was flushed and she was ready to burst into tears. Plopping herself on my bed she waited for me to join her. Obviously something was terribly wrong somewhere and she was hurting. Taking her hand in mine, I asked softly, 'Is everything okay, Anu?'

'No! Nothing is okay!’ she burst out.

Anu was a middle school teacher in one of the most reputed private schools in Mumbai. An extremely innovative, hardworking and much liked teacher, she was recently appointed Section Head of the middle school. I waited for her to go on.

‘I have no idea why the school has appointed Section Heads at all! I tell you, the headmistress! Oof! Not a pin can be moved without her permission! Literally! If she is going to decide everything, why should we be given the charge of Section Heads? The Management decided to appoint Section Heads in order to reduce the load of responsibilities on her shoulders. But do you think she wants to let go? No way!’

'Even for something as mundane as assigning teachers for substitution, we have to take her permission! Can you beat that? Why should two people work on the same minor tasks? She might as well handle it herself and I can focus on my teaching instead of wasting my time and energy on job duplication.'

'My friend Shreya, who’s the Section Head of the senior school, was so upset today. The HM gave directions entirely contrary to what Shreya had assigned to the peons just yesterday. Imagine Shreya’s frustration. All her careful planning gone for a toss! Besides, the peons will not take her word seriously anymore. They know now that no matter what Shreya says, she’s not the final authority. How is Shreya supposed to function? How is any of us supposed to function?'

Be it in a business house, where the father does not let go of the reins for the children long after they have joined him in business, or the mother holding on to the house and kitchen long after her children have grown up and started their own families; be it heads of institutions who want to be the one taking even minor decisions, or project heads and directors who will keep every decision in their hands. That’s not all, we find even student representatives in colleges, team leaders, Heads of Departments, principals, class monitors in schools... just about in every position of authority and importance that the one in the hot seat, does not want to let go. Yes, kissa kursi ka takes place not only in politics, but in every nook of life. Age, gender, community and nationality are no bar.

The irony is, that the ‘oppressed’ in time take over to become the oppressor, forgetting completely what it felt like to be the one oppressed. In some cases, it is not forgotten, and the tenure becomes a time to get back. Alas, the one bearing the brunt now, is often not the one who caused the suffering to begin with. So who are we really taking revenge on? Often this ‘holding on’ is the cause of strife, stress and bitterness in what could otherwise have been healthy, happy relationships.

What exactly is the psychology behind this holding on and wanting to retain control? Fear of being insignificant? Fear of being forgotten? Lack of self-confidence? Greed? Selfishness? Attachment? The possibilities and explanations are many. The important thing is to be alert enough not to fall into that trap ourselves. Madonna’s song ‘to have and not to hold’ is a lovely reminder to begin every day with!

The only thing significant about our existence is our insignificance in the universe. Once this fact is internalised, and we live in awareness of our insignificance and dispensable existence, we can live free, enjoying everything we have, without being weighed down by our strong holds, and without getting in anyone’s way or stepping on anyone’s toes. 

Going Deep & Flying High

The highlight of the concrete jungle that is the buildings in our colony, is a huge almond tree, nearly the height of our five storey building. Home to many a creature, from squirrels to exquisite birds, the tree is a wealth of lilting music in the wee hours of the morning when its feathered residents cheerily herald a new day. That certainly beats the harsh beep of the finest alarm clock! While filtering life-giving sunlight into my patio, the foliage of the large green leaves shelter my bedroom from the scorching heat of the midday sun. The robust, lush green tree is my refuge, my quiet friend whenever I feel defeated by life.

During stormy monsoon weather, the tree sways menacingly, its leaves rustling and hustling, sending a shiver down my spine. Heavens forbid, if it falls, it will land straight on our building! In spite of the shadow of fear lurking, I love to watch the sight – the howling wind winding its way between the branches, tickling and shaking every leaf and fruit. It is as though the tree and the wind are deeply engrossed in an intelligent conversation on weighty topics of universal importance. I listen in, losing myself in the hushed sounds. Thoughts cease and time stands still. Effortless meditation is what is experienced.

One fine morning I woke up to the sound of hacking and falling of branches. Looking out of the window, my heart ached and I shed silent tears, for the once lustrous tree now stood bare, fruitless, leafless, stripped off its beauty.

My morning ritual of watching the tree and its various residents had ended. I just didn’t have the heart to open the windows in the mornings, because the sight of the sad, barren tree was heart wrenching... no chirping birds, no screeching squirrels…just solemn silence.

When I returned from vacation a week later, I dreaded looking out of the window at the thought of finding a miserable looking, barren tree trunk. But I was in for a pleasant surprise. Tiny green shoots were sprouting from a number of spots on the tree trunk. The splashes of bright green of the new tender leaves promised a new start, a new life.

I watched in wonder, smiling at the hope it signalled. Though it was stripped bare, denuded off every leaf and branch, it had come around and started afresh – because it was firmly, deeply rooted. Had its roots not gone deep, it would have given way and probably withered to death.

While it gave me renewed hope that I too could start afresh, it reminded me of the necessity of being rooted in one’s core values. That alone would help me withstand the crazy, unexpected storms of life and get back to my feet every time life served a hard blow. No wonder the Beatles sang, ‘The deeper you go, the higher you fly.’